Maybe I Don't Have Something to Say

The more I blog/write, the more I realize I'm not really a writer, nor do I want to be.  I'm a person who likes to express some things in writing to share with others.  I don't like to work at it.  I don't have writer's block--I can always think of something to say--but I don't write.  This has been a challenge my whole life.

I said to my son recently, that if you really want something, you'll do it every day.  You'll go after it no matter the cost.  You can't live without it.  Well, I finally realized that writing is not really what I want.

It's not to say that I won't keep blogging, but it does mean that I'm not going to stress out about getting blogs posted.  Nor am I going to stress about writing that novel I always "thought I wanted to write."

No, what I really love is reading.  I want to read and read and read.  I went without reading, really reading, for a long time due to my previous relationship.  Now that I've gotten back into my reading, I won't give it up again.

So, if I don't post regularly, it's ok.  I'm reading.  And part of my reading is reading your blog, too.

Until next time, much peace and love.

I have something to say . . .

. . . I just don't know what it is yet.

I have a bunch of blog posts started, but they aren't grabbing me today.  I could bitch about my day, but I'm tired and don't feel like bitching.

So, I'll leave you with this. . . my cat, Malibu, loving on my dog, Lavender.  Love my furbabies.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Vacation Coverage

So, you know that I went on vacation for three weeks.  Before I left, I made sure that there was absolutely nothing pending for anyone to handle in my absence . . . not that anyone would have done it anyway . . . and the only things that others would need to do would be any new items coming in, if they got to it.  Upon my return, nothing had been done . . . it was all waiting for me. . . except for one thing they handed over to the new guy to do and didn't train him properly, so I spent three days unwinding it.  This is status quo for me.  I seldom receive assistance, nor do I need it, from my fellow reps.

But, when someone else goes on vacation, I handle his (and I can say his, because all the other reps are male) entire desk, new items, pending items, and I usually clean up old stuff so he can have a fresh start upon return.  I'm nice like that.  So, one of the other reps is going on vacation tomorrow.  He sent me an email "bribing" me to handle some things in his absence, if they came up.  He wasn't anticipating anything, but the other reps are "too busy to take on anything else."  I was gonna turn down the bribe, but it was a $25 Starbucks card. 

So, what's wrong with this?  First of all, his statement that the others are "too busy."  What?  I do twice as much as any of them . . . I'm more organized and more tech savvy to do so.  Secondly, an hour before he leaves today, he dumps 5 items on me that are "emergencies" even though 4 of the 5 came in a month ago.  SMDH!  I'm really glad I took the card and if things continue this way, he'll owe me another one when he gets back.

Oh well . . . job security . . . I've got it in spades.

Until next time, much peace and love.

You Must Install Facebook Messenger App

According to Facebook, I must install the Facebook Messenger App on my phone, because at a certain time, I will no longer be able to see messages on Facebook on my phone.  I can still see on my computer, but not on my phone.  Really?  Why in the hell would I want to install another messaging application on my phone?  I have a messaging application . . . it's called TEXT MESSAGING!  I don't want to install FB Messenger.  So, I'm not gonna.  I've told my FB peeps if they want to message me, they'll have to text me or wait for an answer when I'm on the computer.  Since I don't actually check Facebook on a computer that often, text is best.  Of course, I don't get that many messages on Facebook anyway.

Whatever, I refuse to be dictated to as to what app I have to use on my phone.

Ok--rant over.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Booty Call Cycle?

I've been a little melancholy lately, so I thought I'd try to give you a funny one today and snap out my funk a little bit.

 

So, after 6 months of no contact, I had two different guys from my dating adventures reach out to me--Mr. Air Force and Mr. Basketball. 

 

Mr. Air Force is just a really nice guy, a perpetual bachelor, who always forgets to include a female in his outings.  Probably why he’s a perpetual bachelor, although he doesn’t understand why he doesn't have a steady relationship.  Anyway, he called while I was on vacation and I told him I’d get back to him when I got back.  I sent him a text a week or so after I got back and he never responded.  SMDH!

Mr. Basketball sent me a text the other day saying how he’s missed me . . . BTW . . . he stopped contacting me in December last year.  He said he’s been in Korea, coaching.  Apparently, there is no technology in Korea and he left the day we spoke and got back the day of his text. Insert sarcasm here.   Then he said he wants to see me . . . the very next day . . . and not just see either (you can use your imagination here).  So, when I sent a text back that said, “Really?  After 6 months of not hearing from you, you think we’re just gonna jump right in, huh?  Times have changed my friend.”, he didn’t respond back.  Guess he didn’t miss me that much, huh?

 So, it’s a cycle . . . I actually expect a couple more guys to contact me in the next month or so, just because it’s a cycle.  They play with some girl for a month or two and then stop contacting her.  Then they play with another girl for a month or two and then stop contacting her too.  Then they play with yet another girl for a month or two and then stop contacting her too.  Then it’s time to swing back around to the first girl . . . play with her for a month or so, and so on and so forth.

 

Well, this girl doesn't play, so I'll just say to y'all, much love and peace.

What to Write? What to Write?

I haven’t written much on my blog(s) lately.  First, I was on an extended vacation.  I really thought I would blog about what I was doing, but I didn’t.  I was driving a lot and often times didn’t have wi-fi access, so it was a pain in the butt.  Then, I got back and I was tired. And I was trying to get my groove back. And I just didn’t want to do anything. So now, I have all this stuff running around in my head and I need to get it out.  Of course, now that I have my laptop up, the words don’t want to come out of my head and get on the page.  GRRRRRR . . . .

 

So, I'm going to put some random thoughts and come back to them later (I hope).

 

People suck!  When you think you know people and then they up and do something to kick you in the teeth, they suck!  Lately, more people are sucking than not sucking and not in a good way. 

 

My health is getting me down.  I know I'm not working hard enough to fix things.  I'm not ill, just need to fix some things and again, not working hard enough to fix them.  The vicious cycle of needing to exercise more, being in pain from exercising with bad knees and back, and then not getting enough exercise.  Feeling like crap because I'm comparing myself to someone else.  Don't do that!  My head isn't in the right place, so it doesn't help all of this.  Menopause sucks!  It makes all of these challenges suck, too!

 

I have few friends near me.  I don't really have anyone to hang with on a regular basis.  I love being by myself, but once in awhile, you need someone else.

 

It's Monday.  I hate Mondays!

 

I loved my vacation!  Wish I was independently wealthy so I could travel more. 

 

I don't want to keep working and not getting anywhere financially.  That black hole (pardon the pun, for those of you who know to whom or what I'm referring) just keeps rearing it's ugly head.  I want to get ahead.  I have bills to pay and food to buy.  Am I really splurging too much?  If I am, I have nothing to show for it.

 

I hate being negative nelly . . . but here I am, putting it all out there.

 

As my idol would say, "Fiddle dee dee.  I can't think about that now.  I'll think about it tomorrow.  Because after all, tomorrow is another day."  (Thank you Ms. Scarlett.)

 

Until next time, much peace and love.

Vacation Fun

I've soooooo been enjoying my vacation!  My family has been wonderful.  The first wedding was beautiful and the reception was a blast.  I've spent the last two days with my stepmom and two stepbrothers . . . peaceful time with them.  Tomorrow, sending the Boy to stay with his other grandparents and I'll be hanging with my friends.  (That should lend itself to good blog fodder.)

What I've found absolutely fantastic is that the Boy is having fun and maturing right before my eyes.  He has contributed to conversations with the other adults; he's been respectful of his elders; he's asked questions about family life and history and really gotten into the answers.  He had a blast at the reception the other night (there may have been a bit of alcohol consumed, but so what).

There have been some minor blips on the radar . . . my rude uncle (I ignored him), my momma kinda irritated me.  Side note to that . . . the Boy said that I act like him toward my momma the way he acts toward me when he's annoyed at me.  That's making me take a hard look at how I can react better with my momma, because it isn't nice.

Spending time with my stepmom was productive.  We took care of some paperwork for my dad's grave (12 years later, but who's counting), and she gave me and the Boy some items of beauty from her home to ours.  She's a very giving person.

I reconnected with a cousin . . . my only first cousin on my dad's side . . . and we had a blast.  We even look alike in our old age.  When I posted our picture, everyone thought we were sisters.  Amazing!

Anyway, I'm enjoying my vacation.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Family Fun

OMG!  I just had such a great evening with some of my family.  My one aunt lives across the street from the hotel where we are staying, two of my cousins and the fiancée of one of them are staying with that aunt, another cousin and two of her kids are staying in the same hotel as we are, and my other two aunts are at a different hotel, but were there too.  We just had so much fun, talking, drinking and chillin'.

They all know about the incident with the stupid uncle last week and they all agree that he is an ass.  We are all getting together tomorrow too and we will have a blast at the wedding, as well.

I also learned that the cousin's fiancée is pregnant, so we have another cousin coming in December!  YAY!

Anyway--love seeing my family . . . at least the fun, cool ones.  LOL!

Until next time, much peace and love.

Distracted Drving

Ok, so I'm one of those people who hate when I see other people talking on the phone or texting while driving.  When I say talking, I mean holding the phone to their ear.  I personally use either blue tooth headset or now that I have a nicer car, it's Bluetooth connect to the car.  And I never text and drive.  When I'm using GPS, I put in the directions before I leave and I seldom have to search for directions on the fly . . . if I do, I have talk to text.

I broke my own damn rule on this road trip.  I was sitting in a very long line of traffic and not moving, so I started making my motel reservation.  No big deal since I wasn't moving.  The problem came when the line began to move a little bit.  In the blink of an eye, I ran into not one but two big orange barrel thingies.  Luckily, I wasn't going fast and just scraped by.  But . . . it served a very important lesson to both me and the Boy.

My front fender is somewhat scraped up, but will probably buff out fairly easily.  It pisses me off though that I have to even buff it though.  I didn't have to make that reservation right then and there.  It could have waited or the Boy could have finished putting in the information for me . . . as he did anyway.

I have to think that this was a big warning to me to pay attention and drive right, setting a good example for the kid.  I've been doing so for awhile, but I slipped up and did the texting while driving thing.  It was super scary and I won't do it again.  The Boy says, "Did we learn our lesson?"  Hell yeah we did.  So hopefully, you will learn from my lesson so you don't have to experience it yourself.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Cialis Commercials Make Me Sad

I hate the Cialis commercials.  They show these couples who are supposed to be so in love with each other, that even in their "old" age, they want to get it on.  The men in these commercials look at the women as if they are totally in love and lost in the woman, like the woman is their everything.  And the women look at the men in the same way.  Ugh, gag me.

Ok, so not really gag me.  It makes me sad, because that description is what everyone truly wants and I don't think a lot of people find it.  I know that I want someone to look at me like that and I know that my ex never did.  And at this point, I've become a bit jaded and cynical and don't know if it will ever happen.  For those of you that have that special something, hang on to it any way that you can.  I envy you, but am joyful for you at the same time.

So, Cialis commercials make me sad.  IJS . . . .

Until next time, much peace and love.

Essential Oils Part 2

Ok, so I've tried some of the essential oils and I have to say, I'm loving them.  I'm still skeptical about all the hubbub surrounding them, but for the ones I've tried personally, all is good.

The ones I've tried that are doing what they need to do are . . .

lavender--calming and soothing--I sleep much better
peppermint--refreshing and rejuvenating--so far, yes and I'm going to try this on the long drives on vacation
lemon--again refreshing and rejuvenating, also great for cleaning and getting rid of icky smells
eucalyptus--with the lavender is great in my bath
cinnamon--great in my coffee and other foods, lowers blood sugar

You know I pre-wrote most of this, so I have to add my experience today.  I'm traveling. ..long road trip. Usually, I have problems in the afternoon because I start dozing off. Today, i kept drinking my peppermint water and put some peppermint on my shirt. It kept me awake and alert without the hyperness of sugar and caffeine. Then when we got to our motel, I sprinkled some lemon around to freshen up the place. I'm hooked.

There are more that I want to try and we'll see how they go. I can't wait.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Nurse Rachett

My company is giving us an opportunity to save $50 per month on our health insurance.  Since our out of paycheck costs went up $125, I'm all for it.  All you have to do is (1) log your daily steps on our wellness program site, (2) do a biometric screening with an RN (who they brought in house), and (3) do a health assessment on the insurance website.  All easy peasy . . . until . . . Nurse Rachett.

So, I go to do my bio screening and this witch of a nurse, has no personality, doesn't smile, doesn't acknowledge anything, just all business.  Ok, I can handle that.  Then when the results pop up, she starts lecturing me on what I'm doing wrong and what I should be doing.  Nevermind that she doesn't have my full health assessment, isn't a physician, and doesn't know what I actually do or don't do, where I've been and how far I've come.  She just says do this and suck it, basically.

She pissed me off.  And then I realized . . . don't let anyone piss on my parade. I know how far I've come and how far I have to go. I am going to continue on my own path.

Until next time, much peace and love.

"Christian" Giving

I just had the most unreal experience ever.  I sent a private message to all my aunts about my mom's birthday.  Since we are doing a birthday party, I made a suggestion to them if they were planning a gift for Mom that they consider contributing to a medical procedure that she needs.  Her insurance doesn't cover it and she is on a fixed income. She would never ask for the money from anyone, so I made a suggestion, thinking that it was innocuous and considerate.  Well, my uncle (who unfriended me on Facebook eons ago, because he doesn't like my language) sent me an email, because his wife was one of the aunts I put on the message.  I had listed her, because he's not on my Facebook and I thought he would want to know.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  Here's the email he sent me (I took out all names to protect the innocent and the not-so innocent):

"I am perturbed over your Facebook message to my wife in which you solicited or suggested a large monetary contribution for your mother's cataract surgery as her birthday present.

We are not coming to the birthday party.  We have too many things going on that weekend, and I don't see the need to attend a birthday party two months ahead of time.

We are also not contributing to a surgery fund.  Where is your mother's husband's contribution, and more importantly, why are you begging for money from the family while you and your mother are engaging in a cross-country vacation whose cost easily exceeds the cost of this surgery?  Where are the priorities?

As a member of Lions Club International, I recommend that you have your mother contact the local Lions Club in her state for assistance.  My own Lions Club has helped an average of 200 people per year obtain glasses or pay for surgeries.  In many instances, the surgeon and hospital will agree to a reduced fee in case of indigency or inability to pay.

My Mother always said, "It's not the high cost of living, it's the cost of living high."  Please think about this before you send such appeals to my family.  I am sick of seeing the pity party parade from the woe-is-me crowd that refuses to live frugally."

Wow!  Really?  My mother retired several years ago and is now living on her social security.  She had to supplement her income for years to make ends meet.  Yes, her husband is a bum.  That isn't the point.  The trip he's talking about is my gift to her . . . it was scheduled two months early to accommodate HIS son's wedding.  I am so pissed about this, I can't even see straight. 

This same person goes to church every week and talks about helping others.  He even mentions belonging to the Lions Club and helping other people.  You misconstrue a simple suggestion and then, instead of (1) letting it go or (2) making an alternative suggestion, e.g., the Lions Club, you assume the worst . . . what a pompous ass!  Nevermind that he got to live for free in my mother's home while he was in college for certain lengths of time.  Nevermind that my mother would do anything in her power to help him if he needed it.  

The really sad part is that my mom has no idea about any of this.  Totally innocent on her part and now this.  I can hardly wait to see this jackass and show him who the better person is.  Oh yeah . . . that would be me.

Until next time, much peace and love.  I truly mean that.

Father's Day Rant

So, Father's Day is coming up and I get all kinds of mixed emotions.  First, I'm a little sad, because my dad is gone and second, I get a little mad, because the Boy's father doesn't do his gig all year, but still expects accolades from his son.

This brings me to my rant . . . I was going to say something on Mother's Day, but I let it go.  People . . . Mother's Day is for MOTHERS and Father's Day is for FATHERS.  Don't nobody care if you're doing "double duty" . . . you ONLY GET ONE DAY!  Don't rain on the parade of the other.  (And this is coming from a single mom who does double duty because "dad" is too damn childish and selfish to do his job.)

On Mother's Day, I kept seeing these posts of "happy mother's day to all you moms out there and you dads doing double duty."  Now for Father's Day, I'm seeing (1) "happy father's day to all you dads out there and you moms doing double duty" and (2) "why don't dads get the same props as moms?"

To answer number one . . . all dads who do their job or even attempt to do their job deserve the Father's Day props, same for moms on Mother's Day.  I add attempt because there are a lot of situations where the other party "blocks" the mom or dad from doing their job.

To answer number two . . .you dumbasses who are asking this are the ones not doing your damn job and you don't get the cookie for not doing your damn job!  Saying Happy Mother's Day or Happy Father's Day is a way of acknowledging those WHO DO THEIR DAMN JOB every day, day in and day out, who don't expect anything in return.  They just love and take care of their kids.  That's the bottom line.

So for you dads, who do your job . . . Happy Father's Day . . . enjoy YOUR day!

Until next time, much peace and love.

Writing Prompts

I've been reading a book about ideas for writers.  Actually, I started reading it many years ago and set it aside.  I dug it out a couple of months ago and I read a little almost daily.  Looking for ideas to write, beyond my personal exposure that I put on here.

The interesting part is that, while I have no problem putting my personal business out here, exposing the creative writing side is really scary.  I know that I'm a good writer--I've been told for years I should try to publish, but I'm not consistent.  I hate to re-write and edit . . . I write my stuff in my head and then spew it out on paper or in this case, blog. By the time it comes out, it's been re-written and edited several times . . . in my head.

I may still do the writing prompts . . . still thinking about it.  Maybe that should be a separate blog?  That's an idea right there.  One of my favorite bloggers does separate blogs for separate topics.  So maybe I continue this blog for what it is . . . day-to-day life and fun and rants and create a separate blog for writing and creating.  Something to think about.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Movies

 Last weekend, I went to see “The Fault in Our Stars” with the Boy, his two friends, and the mom of one of the friends.  I didn’t really know anything about the movie, but I knew it was a tear-jerker.  The other mom brought a box of tissue for us.  I hadn’t actually planned on seeing the movie until it came out on Netflix, but I was invited, so I went.

It was a cute movie and I shed a few tears, but it wasn’t the sob story that I thought it would be or that people made it out to be.  Maybe, it’s because I figured out the plot twist early on or maybe because the characters just weren’t grabbing me.  This is not to say I didn’t like or enjoy the movie; I did.  I just feel like my original idea of watching it on Netflix was the better choice.  And, I probably would have cried more if I watched it on Netflix.

This brings me to my take on movies.  If the movie has a lot of special effects, then it needs to be seen on big screen.  This would include, the Marvel movies, action/ adventure, and specialty movies.  I also throw in the occasional comedy or love story on big screen.  Otherwise, I wait for Netflix or cable (when I have it).

I love movies and would watch them 24/7 if I could.  I can always find something I like . . . I’m easily entertained.  And, I can watch some movies over and over . . . Channing Tatum anyone?

Until next time, much peace and love.

Appliance Fail

I came home from the movies this past weekend and started my housework.  I got the first load of laundry in the washer and found that my washing machine is kaput.  It doesn’t agitate or spin anymore.  Now, it is probably a cheap and/or easy fix, but I have no time, inclination, or energy to fix it.  So, I put the next two loads in the washing machines on the property.  We have a small laundry room that is clean and relatively cheap.

The first load (in my broken washer) rinsed fairly well, so I put it in my dryer.  I figured I would

wash the other loads in the laundry room and then dry in my dryer.  Guess what?!  Yup –my dryer stopped working, too!  It ran for an hour and the knob didn’t move at all and there was no heat.  So . . . I hung up a lot of clothes to dry all throughout my apartment and dried one load in the laundry room.  Oh yeah . . . I didn’t have enough quarters and didn’t want to go get any.

So, for the next few months, I’ll be doing laundry in the laundry room.  I don’t have room in the budget for a new washer and dryer.  I also don’t know if I actually one them at this point.  I’ll make that determination when I figure out what I want to do in the next three years (when the Boy graduates).

Of course, I could have gone out and bought a brand new washer and dryer if someone hadn’t screwed me out of my money.  I can’t keep harping on that, but things keep coming up that I wouldn’t have had to worry about if I had the money we agreed upon.  Oh well—this subject has been talked to death and I’m not going to dwell on it.

Until next time, much peace and love (and not too much laundry).

Summer is Officially Here

The Boy is out of school.  I can sleep in and don’t have to get him up in the mornings. Vacation is coming up.  Yup!  Summer is officially here.

I’m so excited.  I’m cleaning and organizing for this trip . . . trying not to take the entire house with me for once.  A three week trip doesn’t mean I have to pack enough clothes for three weeks . . . I can do laundry.  I cleaned out and organized bags so I could figure out what bags to use for packing.  Yes, you read that correctly . . . I cleaned out and organized bags.  You can never have enough bags as far as I’m concerned. 

Part of the bag clean out and determination is also determining which bags to set up as emergency go bags.  I normally have one in my car, but I’ve been slacking lately.  Now I need to set up one for each car (since the Boy will be driving soon), one for the house, and update the one at work.  The one thing I’ve not had in my go bag is clothes for the Boy, so these bags will be a little different.  Note—you should have emergency go bags available no matter where you live in the country.  You never know when disaster will strike . . . clothes, shoes, first aid, food, and water, flashlights, battery operated radio, extra batteries, and even pillows and  blankets. 

Ok—side tracked there for a minute.  I’ve made my packing list and have the bags pulled.  I’ll start pulling clothes to pack this week and this weekend will buy the few items we need, including any toiletries.  I’m so excited!  Did I mention I’m so excited?!

Of course, the Boy is not thrilled about the trip.  His friend that was supposed to go with us, probably won’t.  He is sure he won’t have fun and be bored the whole time.  Unfortunately, he is probably right.  Not because it won’t be fun or that it will be boring, but because he thinks it will be horrible and he isn’t going to make an effort.  I’m even taking him to Six Flags and he’s still not thrilled . . . he doesn’t want to go with Mom.  I told him he will never see these people again and we can have a blast.  Yeah . . . about that . . . teen blasé. SMDH!

Oh well . . . I’m still planning on having a blast.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Over Organized?

Is that possible? Everything in its place and a place for everything. That’s my idea of peaceful. I may not be the best housekeeper in the world, but organization is my forte. I love to organize. I love stuff that helps organize. I love getting rid of clutter. I love figuring out how to keep things that take up space and making them take up less space. In other words…I love to organize.

My weekend plans are to clean out and reorganize my closet, set up new, emergency "go" bags for both cars, the house, and work, and start the packing process for my vacation.  Yes, my vacation is still almost three weeks away, but I'll re-pack 10 times before I'm happy.

Since everything else is pissing me off these days . . . can you say mood swings? . . . I'm going to my happy place of organization.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Over Eating

I went a little nuts on Sunday last.  I was in an overall bad mood . . . no reason, just pissed and lots of little shit was getting on my nerves.  Then I wanted chocolate.  I couldn't make a decision, so I got three chocolate items (large, chocolate items) and a salty treat to balance.  I ate the whole damn thing.  I then went into a sugar coma (not a good idea when you have diabetes . . . duh!) and slept for five hours.  When I woke up, I felt hungover and sick.  I drank lots of water and I ended up going back to bed and sleeping most of the night.

The next day, I felt like shit.  Again, the hungover feeling and major heartburn.  Lesson learned.

Several days later, feeling much better, but no urge for crappy food.  Maybe this last binge was good in a way?

Until next time, much peace and love.

School's Out . . . Almost

I love that the kid only has a few more days of school.  Woo hoo… only a few more days of waking him up early. Only a few more days of morning attitude. Only a few more days of rushing to get him to school on time so I can get to work on time. Only a few more days of making him breakfast.

After this, I can either sleep in or I can get to work earlier. I only have to worry about my ass in the morning and not his.  Woot woot!!!

Until next time, much peace and love.

June Goal Review

It's the first of the month again . . . already.  It's time to review the goals for the month/year.  In May, I had to go back and focus on the goals already set and started, because I was back sliding.  I did pretty well and have decided that for June and July, I'm going to just focus on what is already set and perfect those.  Since I'm going on a long vacation that spans parts of the two months, I thought it would be silly to try to add on to my goals and set myself up for failure, so . . . here's what we're doing goal wise in June and July:

1.       Blogging 3-5 days a week

2.       Read 5+ books per month

3.       Walk 5-7 days or 10-15 miles per week

4.       Do arm work out 3x per week

5.       Eat properly—lots of veggies, fruits, whole grains, grilled chicken and fish, lots of water

6.       Positive and spiritual affirmations daily

Until next time, much peace and love.

Maya Angelou

I woke up this morning to find that one of my idols, a great woman, a wonderful person, and major contributor to society,  civil rights activist. . . The list goes on . . . Maya Angelou is dead at 86.

I don't usually get caught up in celebrity drama. . . When various actors have died, I may feel sorry for the or family, but I'm not crying over them. Maya on the other hand, I read through my Facebook feed with tears rolling down my face. I started googling all the news stories. Yes, she was old, but what a loss.

She was a major influence on my "growing up" and becoming the woman I am today. So I say to you, Ms. Angelou, you will be missed, but your legacy will live on. You are the ultimate Phenomenal Woman.

Until next time, much peace and love.

FLEAS!!!!

How in the hell does a dog who spends no time outside or around other animals get fleas?  Ok, she’s around  my cats too, but they aren’t outside either. If I still had carpet, then maybe I would understand, but I haven’t had carpet in over a year, so no eggs or long living fleas. I don’t get it. If they were already in the house, where were they hiding? If they were in the furniture I got in August, why didn’t they come out sooner? In other words… where the hell did they come from?

So, the dog has been bathed multiple times, the cats have been sprayed, and all three have had drops applied, plus the house has been flea bombed. I’ve also sprayed all furniture and soft surfaces.  All clothing, towels, and bedding has been washed. All dishes have been washed, all surfaces and floors cleaned… this was all after the flea bombing… six and a half hours of cleaning. Whew! 

So, fleas are gone right? Nope… still finding a few on the dog… another bath. Let’s see what happens.  Grrrr….

 

Until next time, much love and peace.

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day . . . Today is dedicated to the men and women who have given their lives for our great country. Memorial Day… remembering our fallen soldiers.

If you are enjoying your Memorial Day, remember why you have that luxury and take a moment to give thanks.

 

Until next time, much peace and love.

Happy or Right?

I saw this link on Facebook recently, called "Congratulations You're Getting A Divorce."  I started laughing because people are always unsure as to what to say when you tell them you are divorcing or divorced.  My big one was when I changed my name and people thought I got married.  Still don't get that, since they knew I was married already, but whatever.  They always say, "I'm so sorry."  And I say, "Don't be; I'm not."

Here's the deal. I'm not happy that my marriage failed, but . . . I was even more unhappy being married.  It happens.  There were multiple issues, wrongs on the part of both parties, and just not enough "give a shit" to keep going on.  So, the blog talks about being happy or being right.

This is so damn true. Do you want to be happy or do you want to be right? That's the one I had to get through my thick skull . . . I wanted both. Now that it's all said and done, I'm happy to be happy. There were a bunch of bumps and bruises along the way, but I've made it to the other side. Congratulations to me.  To read the blog, click here. 

It's really well-written and opened my eyes to another ah ha moment.  It's not just the divorce, happy or right, but it's all the stuff I wrote about recently, constantly fighting for every little thing.  It wasn't fighting for anything real, but fighting to be right.  Now, I'm not saying don't fight for things if you need to and some things are definitely worth it . . . even for the principle of the matter . . . but check your priorities and see if it's just to be right or not.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Spa Day

Love my spa day.  I started writing this one last month after going back to the spa after four months off, but I never finished.  Now, I've gone again, and on my birthday last month and again this month.  This may sound indulgent, but I do have a spa membership.  I pay a monthly fee and it covers an 80 minute massage each month, plus the use of the facilities, e.g., steam room, sauna, jacuzzi, quiet room, plus snacks, when I go.  It is my major pampering of myself.

Now--I took a few months off because of money woes--I was able to put my membership on hold for 3 months.  It worked out well, because my massage therapist was out for awhile, taking care of family business.  I started back in March and it was so wonderful, and then I saw her again on my birthday in April.  Extra nice treatment on your birthday.  The only downside was she told me it was her last day. . . she only stayed through that day because she knew it was my birthday.  I thought that was sweet.

So, it was with trepidation that I went yesterday to a new massage therapist.  I was worried, because I had gotten used to the old one.  My worries were for nothing.  The new one has a different technique, but was equally as good as the old.  I felt great afterwards.

My spa day goes something like this . . . steam room for about 20 minutes with a cold towel on my neck, dry sauna for about 10 minutes, misting room (cold mist) for about 2 minutes, jacuzzi for about 10-30 minutes, shower off, robe up and read until time for massage, 80 minute massage, 30-60 minute nap in the quiet room, get dressed and go home.  In between all of this, drinking cucumber or fruit infused water or lemonade, eating fresh fruit, and relaxing.

I love the big, fluffy, white towels (and maybe more than a few have gone home with me) and the spa robe is so comfortable (and maybe one has gone home with me).  I love the smell and the soft music and the atmosphere of calm.  This is one of the best investments in me that I have ever made.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Days Gone By

One of my favorite songs is "Days Gone By" sung by the gorgeous Keith Urban.  It just makes me smile and feel great.  It's talking about losing ourselves in the daily race and to start living for the now. I'm taking this to heart and starting to do a little more with friends here and there, instead of just working and staying at home alone.  Not looking to date anyone . . . although that would be nice if it just starts to happen from one of my outings . . . but we all need to connect with other humans, other than social media.

 I'm probably not supposed to do this, but I'm putting the lyrics here.

"Days Go By"

I'm changing lanes
I'm talking on the phone
I'm drivin' way to fast
And the interstate's jammed with
Gunners like me afraid of coming in last
But somewhere in the race we run
We're coming undone

Days go by
I can feel 'em flying
Like a hand out the window in the wind as the cars go by
It's all we've been given
So you better start livin' right now
'Cause days go by

Out on the roof just the other night
I watched the world flash by
Headlights, taillights running through a river of neon signs
But somewhere in the rush I felt
We're losing ourselves

Days go by
I can feel 'em flying
Like a hand out the window in the wind as the cars go by
It's all we've been given
So you better start livin' right now
'Cause days go by

We think about tomorrow then it slips away
We talk about forever but we've only got today

And the days go by
I can feel 'em flying
Like a hand out the window
As the cars go by

It's all we've been given
So you better start livin'
You better start livin'
Better start livin' right now

Cause days go by
I can feel like 'em flying
Like a hand out the window in the wind as the cars go by

It's all we've been given
So you better start livin' right now

Cause days go by
These days go by

So take 'em by the hand
They're yours and mine
Take 'em by the hand
And live your life
Take 'em by the hand
Don't let 'em all fly by

Come on, Come on now
Don't you know the days go by

    ------Keith Urban

Until next time, much peace and love.

Painting . . . Teenage Style

So, one of the things the Boy has wanted for a long time is to paint his room.  I put it off for years, because I hate to paint.  For this year's birthday though, part of his present was to re-do his room.  He has to do all the work though.  I bought all the stuff to prep and paint, except the paint.  For the last two months, he has been prepping one wall (because we decided to try just one wall at first) and figuring out what color he wanted.  Most of the two months was deciding on a paint color.  He finally decided on a gorgeous gray and I finally was able to purchase it this past week.

On Saturday evening, we went over what he had to do to paint . . . tape off the edges, put down a drop cloth, only put a little paint in the tray at a time, etc.  On Sunday, he started painting while I was at the spa.  I called him on the way home and he said he was at a friend's.  He had done the first coat of paint, but had trouble at the top of the wall, because the tape wouldn't stick to the ceiling.  I got home and it looked great!  

I was concerned though, because we hadn't discussed clean up.  There was a tray of paint sitting out with the roller and brush sitting in it.  Yikes!  Upon closer inspection, there wasn't that much paint in the tray, so it was actually easy for me to finish up the edges for him.  What he neglected though was to pull out the disposable paint trays.  I bought a pack of three.  He left them bundled together, instead of pulling them apart and putting one in the sturdy tray.  It worked out ok--I pulled them apart and put the extras aside.  I also got the roller off of the handle and disposed of everything after I was done.  Yes, I know . . . wasteful and probably not good for the environment, but I don't clean brushes and rollers.  Yuck!

So, he needs to put a second coat on sometime this week or on the weekend and then he can put his room back together.  I told him he did such a good job, and that the paint color is neutral enough, that he can do more walls if he wants.  He'll think about it.  LOL!

Until next time, much peace and love.

Essential Oils

So, I went to a home party the other night for essential oils.  Now, I'm not against the use of natural medications and cures . . . hell, they've been around longer than modern medicine.  I do have a problem with non-medical personnel telling me that something is better for me than the medication prescribed by my physician.  Again, it's not that the idea is wrong, but these people are not trained medical professionals.  While they can say that these essential oils are good for one thing or another, I would like them to preface everything with . . . "consult with your physician before trying anything new" type statement.

Having said all this, I had a great time at my friend's house and did order a couple of items.  These are ones that I know I can't go wrong . . . lavender, peppermint, and lemongrass.  The individual items are quite expensive--I'm told because they are pure and not cut with alcohol or other stuff as you might find in the store.  Of course, I talked to another friend who has been doing oils for years and she orders pure stuff for a lot cheaper.  LOL!  We'll see how this all works out.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Changes Are A’Coming

I actually enjoy my life.  I don’t really have much of a life, but I enjoy it.  I love my job, I love my kid, I love my pets.  I love reading and watching tv and entertaining myself.  I love my spa days, where I can just be a lazy bum and get a massage and relax. 

I’m starting to do a few things with friends.  Recently, I started reconnecting with some girlfriends.  Our kids are besties, but we haven’t spent much time together over the last few years, due to some “issues” that have now been resolved.  We did a Polynesian thing recently.  One of the girls is in the Polynesian club at her school and they put on a luau and dance.  It was pretty awesome—drinks and appetizers at the house prior and a night cap after.  Next scheduled event is the Lavender Festival in June.  It sounds divine   . . . can you just imagine how great it is going to smell?  MMMMMM

I have a work dinner coming up soon.  Hopefully, I’ll be doing more of these soon.  I like the networking idea, and who knows?  I might meet someone interesting.

Anyway, I’m saying yes more often to doing things—as long as it won’t crunch my budget and sounds fun.  I’m also thinking of taking the occasional class to learn something new.  Exploring and keeping my options open.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Vacation Coming Up

I’m starting to get excited for my upcoming vacation. To some, including my son, it doesn’t sound like an exciting time, but to me, I can barely wait.

The Boy and I are doing a driving trip again this year, and one of his friends may be going with us, too.  Driving from California to Arkansas to pick up my mom.  This trip is partly for her 70^th birthday.  It’s an early trip because her birthday is in August, but we have not one, but two family weddings during this trip, so we’re doing it early.

After we pick up Momma, we’re going straight to Kentucky.  First stop is at the Quilt Museum in Paducah.  This is the main thing that Momma wanted for her birthday, was to go to the museum, so that’s top priority.  From there, we head to Cincinnati, where the first wedding takes place.  The day after the wedding, we go to another aunt’s house for Momma’s birthday party. From there, she will stay with another aunt (her youngest sister) for a week, while the Boy and I head North to my hometown of Muncie, Indiana.  We will be visiting with my step mom and his other grandparents (my former in-laws), as well as my closest friends.  I’m really looking forward to the 4^th of July there.

Then, we head back down to Cincinnati.  We will be going to King’s Island (amusement park) for one day and then we drive down to North Carolina to do some site seeing and wedding number two.  The day after wedding number two, we haul ass to get back to drop Momma off in Arkansas and get back to California.  Total, we’ll be gone for three weeks.  I can’t wait.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Fighting for Everything

There are days that I feel like I’m fighting for every single thing in my life.  It’s as if nothing wants to go smoothly or easily.  I fight to make sure the bills are paid, I fight to make sure my kid is doing what he needs to do, I fight for my position at work, I fight with companies about my bills, I fight fleas for my dog.  You get the picture.  I’m tired of fighting.  I just want things to go smoothly.

So, I’m going to take a deep breath and let it out.  I’m going to take a longer look at the issues and decide if a battle is worth fighting.  This is something that I’ve usually done.  Review the issue to see if it is worth my while.  I take this tactic with my parenting.  Some things, while I don’t condone them, are not worth the daily battle.

I’m not sure why, all of a sudden, everything is a battle, but, I suspect it has something to do with menopause.  My hormones are out of whack, hence more hot flashes, difficulties with appetite control (refer to yesterday’s blog), irritability, and most importantly I don’t sleep.

I’ve kind of figured out the sleep thing.  I’ve just started embracing it.  When I’m tired or sleepy, I sleep or rest.  When I can’t sleep, I get up and do something productive.  My housework tends to get done in the middle of the night now and everything in my place is so totally organized.  I’m an organizational freak, so this actually works for me. 

The only thing that I’m still having a problem with, because of not sleeping,  is getting my work done at work.  I used to be an early bird.  Over the last few years, I’m not as much of an early bird, but still, my morning hours are my productive hours.  These days, my morning hours are not productive at all and somewhere around 2, 3, or 4 pm, I start getting really productive.  This is not necessarily a bad thing, but I end up not leaving the office until 7 or 8 at night.  Again, that’s not necessarily bad either as I miss a lot of nasty traffic.  So, I guess, it’s not that big a deal, I’m just learning to do things differently, instead of battling.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Back At It

It’s been a month since I really went after my goals or even tried to go after them.  It started with my birthday, which was also Easter weekend, and it’s now ending with Mother’s Day.  Apparently, I have problems with holidays.  I don’t usually like to celebrate holidays, mainly because for so many years, ESD made the holidays unbearable for me.  Now that I’m on my own, I have to figure out how to handle the holidays. So far, I haven’t handled them well.  I go off track, don’t exercise, and eat a lot.  Then I get irritated when I don’t feel well, my sugar is out of whack, and I don’t lose weight.

So, today, it all changes.  I’m back on track.  I’m reaffirming my goals that I already set and started achieving.  So here goes.

1.       Blogging 3-5 days a week

2.       Read 5+ books per month

3.       Walk 5-7 days or 10-15 miles per week

4.       Do arm work out 3x per week

5.       Eat properly—lots of veggies, fruits, whole grains, grilled chicken and fish, lots of water

6.       Positive and spiritual affirmations daily

This may sound like a lot, but I was already doing all of this regularly up until April 19^th.  So, back at it and positive attitude.  I was feeling really good and I’m actually starting to feel that good again.  My mind is clearer than it has been in a long time.  Sleep eludes me, but I’m more productive than I have been, so something is right.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Slacker

Ok, so I've been slacking lately on all my goals. What can I say? April is my birthday month and I got side tracked.  So, I'm going ot spend May re committing to my goals. I'll be posting and commenting on them tomorrow.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Shameless Promotion

Just a quickie . . . my new friend and blogging buddy, Menopausal Mother, has a new book coming out soon.  I'm shamelessly plugging it, because (1) I know it will be fantastically funny and (2) someday I may write a book and I'll want to do the same.  LOL!

So, go to her website to get the details here.

Until next time, much love and peace.

And Now I Know Why Your Kid is Fucked Up

Wow!  So, I talked about the bullying the other day.  I thought about it a lot and decided to approach it this way:

1.  I told the Boy to ignore and not respond to anything.  This was to give the other boys a chance to chill the fuck out.
2.  If #1 didn't work out, I would speak with the parents and show them the texts.
3.  If #1 and #2 didn't work out, I would go to the police.  Yes--I skipped the school because I don't think it is the school responsibility OUTSIDE of the school.  (If it was happening at school, then yes.)

So, #1 started working pretty well, but then there was a short flair up.  So, the Boy mentioned that I was going to go to the school (he was mistaken, but ok).  It worked to make Bully #1 back pedal and realize that he was being a jerk.  The Bully #2 still just ignored the Boy.

Now today, there was a flare up from Bully #2 . . . he didn't like a look the Boy gave him or something and said something in the locker room.  The Boy told Bully #1 that he wished Bully #2 would just go ahead and start something so he could kick his ass.    So, Bully #2 kicked my son in math class . . . twice and ran away.  My son called me to tell me.  I told him to leave Bully #2 alone and don't get into any fights at school.

I then called Bully #2's mom and left her a message that the boys all needed to stop, that I had already told my son to knock it off, but that she needed to tell her son to keep his hands and feet and everything else to himself, that we needed to work together on this.

She then called me back and left me a voicemail that she talked to her son and he said it was my son's fault . . . yadda yadda yadda . . . but that she told him not to start anything and she agreed with me.

I then called her back to explain where I was coming from and she fucking went off on me!  She started saying that my kid is always starting shit and that he is a drug addict and smokes and drinks and that I'm a horrible parent, etc, etc. etc.  I have to admit, I lost my cool with this bi-polar bitch.  I snapped and told her off, told her to check herself before she tried giving me any parenting advice, told her to check her own kid when it comes to drinking and smoking, because, oh yeah . . . he did and does it too.  I told her to fuck off and her whole family can go to hell.  And then I hung up.  Not my finest moment, I have to admit, but it did feel good to yell at her finally after all these years.

She then sent me a text . . . saying that she and everyone is tired of feeding my kid . . . like I don't feed hers too.  She said a bunch of other shit too, but her grammar and spelling are so bad, it doesn't really make sense.  I feel like I should send it back properly spelled, etc.  The Boy sent her a text saying he isn't the only one and that her kid did and does shit too and he gave her dates, etc.  She went back and forth with him for awhile (I didn't know it) and I told him to stop responding to her.  She's supposed to be the adult and she's arguing with a 15 year old.  Really?

Shortly after I hung up on her, Bully #1 called the Boy to apologize for his behavior previously and also he apologized to me apparently.  The Bi-Polar Bitch called him . . . yes, that's right, she called the other 15 year old.  Then she called his parents who didn't give a shit.  I did talk to him to tell him that I had no intention of going to the school, and never had, but that if he did that crappy texting again, I would go to his parents direct, because THAT'S THE WAY IT'S DONE.

Anyway, a lot of this is rambling, but bottom line is, I know why the kid is fucked up . . . his mom is a fucking bi-polar bitch.  Wow! 

Ok--got that off my chest.

Until next time, much peace and love . . . really.

Deadbeat Dad

My son's sperm donors is amazing . . .ly stupid!  He is missing out completely on his son's life.  He only contacts him when he feels like it and that is rare . . . maybe once a month if that.

For the Boy's 15th birthday, he didn't call until late in the evening and then made vague plans about picking in up to go to his place on the next weekend.  And his birthday present?  A pack of cigarettes!

He picked him up yesterday and took him to lunch . . . saw him a total of about an hour and 45 minutes.  Amazing!

I just don't get how someone can be so selfish to not pay attention to his only child (well, only child that he has any access to, but that's another story).  He always complained that his parents played favorites with his sister and they did to an extent, but several years ago, that turned around and he got a lot closer to his parents.  Today, they are even supposedly in his corner about what a horrible, bitchy, slut that I am.  LOL!  So why not, take the reins early and spend more time with your kid?

Keep in mind that the Boy has often pushed him away, but that's what kids do.  As a parent, you put your foot down and make things happen.    He'll be graduating high school sooner than later and go off to college.  Once he's on his own, you can be damn sure that he won't be reaching out to his sperm donor.

The Boy loves his sperm donor, but won't go out of the way for him, like he will me. We even had this serious talk tonight about if there is an emergency, e.g., fire, earthquake, break in, etc.  He literally said, "I'm not letting you go down without me.  We're in this together."  I thought that was pretty cool.  He would let his dad perish though and wouldn't go down with him.

Ah well . .. I reap the benefits of a loving child. . . and I get the bullshit as well, but it's totally worth it.  His sperm donor just doesn't know what he's missing.

Until next time, much peace and love . . . really.

What the Hell is Wrong with Teenagers These Days?!

I know I sound like an old fogey with that title, but it's not because of the generation gap or music interests or anything like that.  It's because teenagers are just fucking mean these days.

Now, you know I love my teens (my own and his friends), but due to recent developments, those friends are no longer his friends.  Why?  Because they are fucking mean!  There was a minor blip on the radar--I wrote about it the other day.  But, I really thought things would blow over.  They always do.  But no . . . these two little mother fuckers are still going at my kid like crazy.  One is still totally ignoring him and had the nerve to say he just needs a ride (to school) and the other is acting like he is the boss or parent of my kid. 

So finally, my kid talked to another friend's parent to get her take on it and she agrees, it's time to talk to the parents.  I made my kid show me the text messages so that I know that he's telling me the truth and that he isn't participating in nasty messages with them.  I have to say, I'm impressed . . . he's managed to keep his cool and not be mean back.  That's pissing them off even more.

You see, I think the whole thing stems from these two boys wanting to have more attention from other people or even from my kid, but he's not going to be tied down and boxed in by any one group.  (Kinda like his momma.)  Since they can't get a rise out of him, they're being bullies...one by ignoring and the other by sending the texts.

So, now I must plan my conversation with the parents of these two boys.  I told my son it wouldn't be until at least the weekend, because I need to figure out the plan of attack without actually attacking these crazy ass mother fuckers.  I've also told him to stop responding at all to the texts . . . change the behavior by extinguishing it.  He said already that it's hard not to respond, but he's going to stick to it.

I told the Boy as well that he needs to be sure that he wants me to step in, because I'll burn all bridges with these stupid asses.  The mother of the one sending the texts got mad early in the school year at my kid saying he was disrespectful to her and was going to stop taking him home.  I talked to him and it's been ok as far as I know, but this is going to be it and he won't have a ride home from school.  He's prepared to walk at this point.  The one that is ignoring him just started riding to school with us about a month ago . . . and now he says he's only in it for a ride?  Ok spoiled little shit . . . we'll see how long that lasts.

So, I will think about all this and pray for good ideas to handle it like an adult when all I really want to do is blow their shit up.  I will be a professional, but I'm not going to allow this shit to go on.

So . . . any insight would be helpful.

Until next time, much peace and love  . . . really.

Some things are just scenery along the highway . . .

Someone gave me my title line recently . . . some things are just scenery along the highway . . . .  I put it down, knowing I wanted to write something about it.  The context was that we were discussing our divorces and ex-spouses.  He also has a crazy-ass, bullshit ex, but he said he refuses to let her steal his dreams or happiness and that . . . some things are just scenery along the highway.  I just can't stop thinking about that line.  It is so apropos for so many things and I need to take it more to heart and live it.

I've been struggling with some things and if I just remember that line and actually live it, the struggle should end.  The struggles or actually it's only one challenge is that I need to forgive myself. I've written about the horrible things my ex has said and done.  I doubt I have forgiveness for him and I sure as hell can't forget about them, but, I need to forgive myself and move along.  I need to forgive myself for:

1. a failed marriage--it takes two and I did all I could
2. an extra curricular experience while I was still married--at the end, but still
3. allowing myself to be "lost" for so long, putting his needs before my own
4. allowing myself to be put down, ignored, treated poorly, even somewhat abused--not physically, but mentally
5. allowing myself to participate in horrible, mean conversation
6. allowing myself to be taken advantage of
7. fooling myself into thinking that he would do the right thing with my money

So for all of this, I say now that I forgive myself.  I am a strong, intelligent, beautiful, confident woman.  I will no longer allow myself to be angry with myself or to feel guilty.  I will hold my head high, move forward with my life and remember that some things are just scenery along the highway.

I may have future blips on the radar and I hope I remember this phrase.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Off the Cuff

You know, I have this goal to pre-write my posts and then all I have to do is post them each day.  Well, I do pre-write a lot of my posts, and then all of a sudden, life happens and I scrap it to write off the cuff.  Today, is no exception.

So, I stayed home Friday because of tingly mommy spidey senses and it seemed to pay off.  There has been a bunch of fucked up teen drama this past weekend, and it came to a head today when the Boy sent me a text at 10:00 am to pick him up because he just couldn't stand being at school today.

He's had a falling out with several of his friends, his so-called best friend was a total dick Saturday night and is now ignoring him (spoiled little fucking shit), his next best friend jumped on the bandwagon and was bitchy with him (apparently they've made up now because #2 feels sorry for him right now), his crush with whom he spent some time with over Spring Break has been ignoring him, and yesterday he found out the crush also made out with one of his female friends . . . seriously, douchebag? . . .and then two of his other friends did some stuff that I won't put in writing, because I don't want to incriminate anyone, especially the Boy.

He pretty much handled it all but this morning just couldn't take one more thing going amiss.  So, I left work early, picked him up, ran a Target errand, picked up a late lunch, had some good conversation and poof voila . . . "fixed" it.  Well, maybe it isn't fixed, but he feels better.  Went to best female friend's house for a little TLC, plus mom's TLC, so he'll survive.

I gotta say though . . . these kids are brutal these days.  I guess part of it is technology . . . they all have phones and tablets, so they have what we always called "phone balls" when they are sending messages.  By phone balls, I mean, people that have balls on the phone, but when you confront them in person, they back the fuck down.  I guarantee you that if we had texting and my friends said the things to me that these little fuckers say, I or they would not have made it through the teen years, because we'd either be dead or in jail.  It's some serious bullying going on.  That pisses me off.

I gave the Boy the option . . . I was ready to burn bridges with this little mother fuckers and their dumbass parents.  He asked me not to for now . . . and of course, now one of them has come around.  I told him though that I will be saying something to the boys because I'm not going to deal with their damn drama.

Ok, rant over.  I don't even know if I made any sense here, but had to get it off my chest.

Until next time, much peace and love . . .  I truly mean that.

Spring Break and Momma's Spidey Senses

So, I took the day off today.  My mommy spidey senses were tingling.  You see, it's Spring Break here and my kid and his friends have been basically without adult supervision for the majority of the week.  Most of the time that's fine, but, I know that after so many days of doing their own thing, something is about to go down.  After all, I was 15 once and alone for Spring Break while my parents worked.

I started thinking about how I spent Spring Breaks in high school.  It was the same thing every year, run around doing whatever I wanted with whomever I wanted, and often times, I ended up at a boyfriend's house making out all day.  No gutter minds here . . . my idea of making out was lots and lots of kissing, very little groping, and no sex . . . at least not until much later.  So, thinking about all this is what got the spidey senses going.  Y'all know my kid is just like me.

Sure enough, I get a text from him, "I'm at Cute Boy's House and his address is XXX."  Now, every day, I get on the Boy to check in, just a quick text or call as to where he is and with whom.  He NEVER does it.  I end up calling or texting him with bitchy messages.  So, when he out of the blue sends me this text . . . oh, and the boy is not one he hangs with regularly, but one that I have met and know they kinda like each other . . . I start thinking.  I was right on point too . . . we had to have a discussion about hickies not being cool.

So . . . I stayed home today.  It was pleasant.  Kids were in and out, mostly in all day and now apparently in for the night . . . YAY!  This listening to the universe thing is definitely working for me.

Until next time, much peace and love.

One Year Later

It was one year ago today that I filed for divorce.  The funny thing is, I didn't even remember this "anniversary" of sorts.  It wasn't until my sis sent me a message about finding the letter she wrote her husband that I was reminded of this.  She had written her letter on April 1st and then waited a few days to tell him, so it wouldn't be an April Fool's thing.  I did the same thing when I filed.  I was ready to go do it on April 1st and realized that might be bad luck, so I waited until the 3rd.

I've been thinking about this for a couple of hours now and I cannot for the life of me dredge up anything bad about having gotten divorced.  Maybe the "failure" aspect, but I didn't fail alone, and did everything I could to try and save the marriage, so that doesn't count either.

Since I've been divorced or actually since I filed for divorce, I've been a happier person.  I've gone back to my roots and I'm still in the process of discovering and rediscovering me and who I am.  I like me.  In fact, I love me.  I've posted about a lot of the crappy stuff that happened before, during, and after the divorce, and I'm away from all the ugliness.

So, a year later, I'm still on the road of self discovery and I'm happy.  I hope to remain on that road the rest of my journey in this lifetime.  We should never stop discovering and learning what it is that makes us tick, what makes us happy, what makes us mad, what makes us sad.  If we do, we stagnate and I did that for 25 years.  In fact, it was 25 years of my prime. 

Honestly, I can't say that I would change anything, because the time space continuum doesn't work that way.  However, if I could still have my beautiful child, fantastic career, and best friends and family ever, I would possibly make a few changes if the time travel arose.  But, if I couldn't still have that, I'd still travel the road I did and learn the lessons I learned and be ok with it.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Teaching my Toddler to Drive

Yes,you read that title right. I'm teaching my toddler to drive.  Well, y'all know that he's not really a toddler--he towers over me and is 15 . . . another few months and he gets his driving permit and starts driving.  So, I'm getting him started now in empty parking lots, for now, to let him get the hang of it without any stress or pressure.

I say, I'm teaching my toddler because it seems like yesterday that he was a toddler.  This is one of those milestones that got to me.

I sat him down on Sunday to have a talk about driving.  I told him that he had to listen, really listen, to everything I had to say to him and that if he did his usual , "ok Mom" or "yeah" or "whatever" or anything else, he would not be driving.  I explained how important it is to obey the rules of the road, and that other drivers are not always going to do so.  I reminded him that drinking while driving, or under the influence of any drugs, is not acceptable.  And finally, I told him that this is one of the most important things he will ever learn to do . . . that essentially, he would be in charge of a very large machine and that if he doesn't do things properly, he could kill himself or others.

And then . . . I promptly burst into tears.  OMG!  I was shocked.  I can always tell when I'm about to cry, so I'm never taken by surprise.  Let's just say . . . I was taken by surprise.  I couldn't believe it.  We had reached one of those times in his life that means significant change.  But, I think it just sent that idea home to him that everything I was saying was really important.

So, I took him down the street to an empty parking lot, explained what to do, safety checklists, and how everything works.  Then, I let him behind the wheel and he drove around and around that lot.  Lots of left hand turns and then lots of right hand turns. Acceleration and then complete stops.  He did really well.  Next weekend, we'll do more of the same and add in some parking and reverse.

I'm really excited for him to drive and I look forward to not having to haul him around.  On the other hand, I'm terrified that something bad will happen to him.  All part of being a parent, I know, but that's my toddler behind the wheel.

I'm still remembering this . . . .

 

. . . and now he will have no training wheels.

 

 

Until next time, much peace and love.

Unsubscribe

So, like most people (I think), I tend to subscribe to email thingies all the time.  Either there is something cool I'm looking at and need to subscribe or a friend sends a link to "save money."  Either way, I get a shitload of emails.  I've finally started changing subscriptions around to go to different email accounts for various reasons and that's working pretty well; however, I'm still getting a shitload of emails that I automatically delete.  So, I recently started using the "unsubscribe" button.  Halleluia!  It works! Well, sort of .

Do you remember the Friends episode where Chandler wanted to quit the gym and Ross went along for moral support, then Chandler and Ross both wanted to quit the gym, but were stuck with the monthly auto withdrawals, so they decided to quit the bank, and then ended up with a joint account?

Or maybe, you've had the experience of purchasing something on a credit card and then trying to get a refund.  They sure as shit take that payment out of your account immediately, but getting the refund?  Ha!  It takes 7-10 business days!

So, unsubscribing is kinda like these two situations.  Most of the emails are done, but several took a few days to stop sending me anything.  They even said that it could be 7-10 business days to stop receiving them, because they were already "in the queue."  Ha!  I kept unsubscribing on every email, even though I had already done so on the same companies.  I think they got the point.

On some though, I actually had to log in to accounts.  Mind you, these are accounts I didn't set up.  I didn't have usernames and passwords, so in order to stop the emails, I would have to create user names and passwords.  WTF?!  Um . . . NO!  So, for those, I just designated as SPAM.  Buh bye.

Funny thing though . . . now that I've cleaned up the email solicitations, I kinda miss all the email.  Oh well . . . there's always blogs I can subscribe to.  LOL!

Until next time, much peace and love.

Ungrateful Children

My son said to me the other day, "We never have anything to eat!"  Now mind you, the cabinets are full, the fridge is usually full, the freezer is full, there is snack food and real food, and one of my biggest concerns in life is making sure there is always food in the house.  I may have to forego mani-pedis, car washes, new clothes, etc., but there will always be food for my child in the house.  There just wasn't the food that he wanted. Of course, when I ask him what he would like for me to purchase at the store, recognizing that he wants to pick some things himself, he tells me he doesn't know or doesn't care.  Grrr .  . . .

What really irritates me though, when he says there is nothing to eat, or if he complains that we don't have money to do things, or whatever, is that I feel extremely guilty.  We all want to provide our kids with everything they want and need.  It doesn't always work out, but he has a roof over his head, food in his  belly, clothes on his back, etc.  I shouldn't feel guilty, but I do.

I make really good money, and as you know, until recently was supporting a family of three.  One of the three, ESD, wracked up a lot of bills for me to pay.  The electric bill, the gas bill, the cable bill, the phone bill, the food bill, the gasoline bill . . . everything was higher when he was in the house and I struggled for years to make ends meet.  As I made more and more money, I started chipping away, but it was a never ending struggle.  Now that he's gone, things are getting better and I'm digging out of the hole, but it still irritates that hell out of me when my kid is unappreciative.  You see, ESD would always complain that we didn't have enough.  I felt like I was failing at supporting my family, yet he never contributed a dime.  So, when his son says the same thing, I see red.

I have to admit, I snapped a little bit.  Because last time he said something like that my feelings were so hurt, I cried for two days.  This time, no damn way.  We discussed it again today to clarify that he has got to tell me what he wants so that I can budget appropriately and so I know what to buy at the store.  I think we got this one now.  We'll see.

I was worried that I'm the only one who goes through things like this, but my new friend Menopausal Mother wrote a great blog about the same type of issue the other day.  MM is usually funny and upbeat, but every once in awhile, she slips one of those heart wrenching posts in.  This was one of those.  It hurts when our kids are mean and ungrateful to us, but we'll always love them no matter what.  And one day, it will be their turn and they will look back and appreciate all we have done for them.  For a great read on the topic, check out Menopausal Mother.  You'll love her as much as I do.

Until next time, much peace and love.

I Need More Time

Time is the enemy of those who want to do stuff, get stuff done, and just be.

I need about an additional 10 hours a day to do everything I want to do.  If I could do without sleep, I'd be fine.  Funny thing though, if I don't get enough sleep, I get even less done.  It's a vicious cycle.

Part of not having enough time is that I have a 2-4 hour round trip commute to work every day.  That's right, it can take anywhere from 1 to 2 hours each way, depending on traffic, weather, and basic stupidity on the part of other drivers.  I really don't mind the commute for the most part, but there are days (like today) when I'm just tired and I still have things to do.  When my son graduates from high school is the earliest I can move closer to work and even then, I may still choose to commute.  I have to weigh the pros and cons, especially with regard to costs.  My rent closer to work can run 3x more than where I currently live and for a smaller space.  On the flip side, most utilities would be included, I'd save tons on gas and transportation costs, as well as car insurance.  So, we'll see.  I'll have a kid in college, so it may not work.  Not worried about it just yet.

Another part of not having enough time is that I've been spending longer hours at work.  I've been doing some project work, as well as helping out a co-worker.  He just got a promotion, so I'm helping him clear his backlog for the "old" job so that he can start the "new" job with a clean slate.  I also have realized that it takes less time to get home when I stay later.  I spend less time in traffic, get home close to normal time, and get more accomplished at work.  I get a little burnt though.

Then there are all the things I want to do at home.  I have tons to read and just want to read constantly.  I also want to watch tv and movies constantly.  I also want to write constantly.  I also want to scrapbook constantly. I also want to do my social networking constantly.  You see my dilemma.  I want to do it all and don't have enough time to do it.

I haven't even mentioned the time that I want to spend with the Boy.  Hmmm . . . maybe that should have been first.  LOL!  I would love to spend more time with him, but he's a teenager and does his own thing most of the time.  Whenever he has time for me, I make time for him.

Anyway, if anyone has a solution to adding more hours to the day, without loss of sleep, I would love to hear it.

Until next time, much peace and love.