Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Some things are just scenery along the highway . . .

Someone gave me my title line recently . . . some things are just scenery along the highway . . . .  I put it down, knowing I wanted to write something about it.  The context was that we were discussing our divorces and ex-spouses.  He also has a crazy-ass, bullshit ex, but he said he refuses to let her steal his dreams or happiness and that . . . some things are just scenery along the highway.  I just can't stop thinking about that line.  It is so apropos for so many things and I need to take it more to heart and live it.

I've been struggling with some things and if I just remember that line and actually live it, the struggle should end.  The struggles or actually it's only one challenge is that I need to forgive myself. I've written about the horrible things my ex has said and done.  I doubt I have forgiveness for him and I sure as hell can't forget about them, but, I need to forgive myself and move along.  I need to forgive myself for:

  1. a failed marriage--it takes two and I did all I could
  2. an extra curricular experience while I was still married--at the end, but still
  3. allowing myself to be "lost" for so long, putting his needs before my own
  4. allowing myself to be put down, ignored, treated poorly, even somewhat abused--not physically, but mentally
  5. allowing myself to participate in horrible, mean conversation
  6. allowing myself to be taken advantage of
  7. fooling myself into thinking that he would do the right thing with my money

So for all of this, I say now that I forgive myself.  I am a strong, intelligent, beautiful, confident woman.  I will no longer allow myself to be angry with myself or to feel guilty.  I will hold my head high, move forward with my life and remember that some things are just scenery along the highway.

I may have future blips on the radar and I hope I remember this phrase.

Until next time, much peace and love.

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