Monday, April 21, 2014

Shameless Promotion

Just a quickie . . . my new friend and blogging buddy, Menopausal Mother, has a new book coming out soon.  I'm shamelessly plugging it, because (1) I know it will be fantastically funny and (2) someday I may write a book and I'll want to do the same.  LOL!

So, go to her website to get the details here.

Until next time, much love and peace.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

And Now I Know Why Your Kid is Fucked Up

Wow!  So, I talked about the bullying the other day.  I thought about it a lot and decided to approach it this way:

1.  I told the Boy to ignore and not respond to anything.  This was to give the other boys a chance to chill the fuck out.
2.  If #1 didn't work out, I would speak with the parents and show them the texts.
3.  If #1 and #2 didn't work out, I would go to the police.  Yes--I skipped the school because I don't think it is the school responsibility OUTSIDE of the school.  (If it was happening at school, then yes.)

So, #1 started working pretty well, but then there was a short flair up.  So, the Boy mentioned that I was going to go to the school (he was mistaken, but ok).  It worked to make Bully #1 back pedal and realize that he was being a jerk.  The Bully #2 still just ignored the Boy.

Now today, there was a flare up from Bully #2 . . . he didn't like a look the Boy gave him or something and said something in the locker room.  The Boy told Bully #1 that he wished Bully #2 would just go ahead and start something so he could kick his ass.    So, Bully #2 kicked my son in math class . . . twice and ran away.  My son called me to tell me.  I told him to leave Bully #2 alone and don't get into any fights at school.

I then called Bully #2's mom and left her a message that the boys all needed to stop, that I had already told my son to knock it off, but that she needed to tell her son to keep his hands and feet and everything else to himself, that we needed to work together on this.

She then called me back and left me a voicemail that she talked to her son and he said it was my son's fault . . . yadda yadda yadda . . . but that she told him not to start anything and she agreed with me.

I then called her back to explain where I was coming from and she fucking went off on me!  She started saying that my kid is always starting shit and that he is a drug addict and smokes and drinks and that I'm a horrible parent, etc, etc. etc.  I have to admit, I lost my cool with this bi-polar bitch.  I snapped and told her off, told her to check herself before she tried giving me any parenting advice, told her to check her own kid when it comes to drinking and smoking, because, oh yeah . . . he did and does it too.  I told her to fuck off and her whole family can go to hell.  And then I hung up.  Not my finest moment, I have to admit, but it did feel good to yell at her finally after all these years.

She then sent me a text . . . saying that she and everyone is tired of feeding my kid . . . like I don't feed hers too.  She said a bunch of other shit too, but her grammar and spelling are so bad, it doesn't really make sense.  I feel like I should send it back properly spelled, etc.  The Boy sent her a text saying he isn't the only one and that her kid did and does shit too and he gave her dates, etc.  She went back and forth with him for awhile (I didn't know it) and I told him to stop responding to her.  She's supposed to be the adult and she's arguing with a 15 year old.  Really?

Shortly after I hung up on her, Bully #1 called the Boy to apologize for his behavior previously and also he apologized to me apparently.  The Bi-Polar Bitch called him . . . yes, that's right, she called the other 15 year old.  Then she called his parents who didn't give a shit.  I did talk to him to tell him that I had no intention of going to the school, and never had, but that if he did that crappy texting again, I would go to his parents direct, because THAT'S THE WAY IT'S DONE.

Anyway, a lot of this is rambling, but bottom line is, I know why the kid is fucked up . . . his mom is a fucking bi-polar bitch.  Wow! 

Ok--got that off my chest.

Until next time, much peace and love . . . really.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Deadbeat Dad

My son's sperm donors is amazing . . .ly stupid!  He is missing out completely on his son's life.  He only contacts him when he feels like it and that is rare . . . maybe once a month if that.

For the Boy's 15th birthday, he didn't call until late in the evening and then made vague plans about picking in up to go to his place on the next weekend.  And his birthday present?  A pack of cigarettes!

He picked him up yesterday and took him to lunch . . . saw him a total of about an hour and 45 minutes.  Amazing!

I just don't get how someone can be so selfish to not pay attention to his only child (well, only child that he has any access to, but that's another story).  He always complained that his parents played favorites with his sister and they did to an extent, but several years ago, that turned around and he got a lot closer to his parents.  Today, they are even supposedly in his corner about what a horrible, bitchy, slut that I am.  LOL!  So why not, take the reins early and spend more time with your kid?

Keep in mind that the Boy has often pushed him away, but that's what kids do.  As a parent, you put your foot down and make things happen.    He'll be graduating high school sooner than later and go off to college.  Once he's on his own, you can be damn sure that he won't be reaching out to his sperm donor.

The Boy loves his sperm donor, but won't go out of the way for him, like he will me. We even had this serious talk tonight about if there is an emergency, e.g., fire, earthquake, break in, etc.  He literally said, "I'm not letting you go down without me.  We're in this together."  I thought that was pretty cool.  He would let his dad perish though and wouldn't go down with him.

Ah well . .. I reap the benefits of a loving child. . . and I get the bullshit as well, but it's totally worth it.  His sperm donor just doesn't know what he's missing.

Until next time, much peace and love . . . really.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

What the Hell is Wrong with Teenagers These Days?!

I know I sound like an old fogey with that title, but it's not because of the generation gap or music interests or anything like that.  It's because teenagers are just fucking mean these days.

Now, you know I love my teens (my own and his friends), but due to recent developments, those friends are no longer his friends.  Why?  Because they are fucking mean!  There was a minor blip on the radar--I wrote about it the other day.  But, I really thought things would blow over.  They always do.  But no . . . these two little mother fuckers are still going at my kid like crazy.  One is still totally ignoring him and had the nerve to say he just needs a ride (to school) and the other is acting like he is the boss or parent of my kid. 

So finally, my kid talked to another friend's parent to get her take on it and she agrees, it's time to talk to the parents.  I made my kid show me the text messages so that I know that he's telling me the truth and that he isn't participating in nasty messages with them.  I have to say, I'm impressed . . . he's managed to keep his cool and not be mean back.  That's pissing them off even more.

You see, I think the whole thing stems from these two boys wanting to have more attention from other people or even from my kid, but he's not going to be tied down and boxed in by any one group.  (Kinda like his momma.)  Since they can't get a rise out of him, they're being by ignoring and the other by sending the texts.

So, now I must plan my conversation with the parents of these two boys.  I told my son it wouldn't be until at least the weekend, because I need to figure out the plan of attack without actually attacking these crazy ass mother fuckers.  I've also told him to stop responding at all to the texts . . . change the behavior by extinguishing it.  He said already that it's hard not to respond, but he's going to stick to it.

I told the Boy as well that he needs to be sure that he wants me to step in, because I'll burn all bridges with these stupid asses.  The mother of the one sending the texts got mad early in the school year at my kid saying he was disrespectful to her and was going to stop taking him home.  I talked to him and it's been ok as far as I know, but this is going to be it and he won't have a ride home from school.  He's prepared to walk at this point.  The one that is ignoring him just started riding to school with us about a month ago . . . and now he says he's only in it for a ride?  Ok spoiled little shit . . . we'll see how long that lasts.

So, I will think about all this and pray for good ideas to handle it like an adult when all I really want to do is blow their shit up.  I will be a professional, but I'm not going to allow this shit to go on.

So . . . any insight would be helpful.

Until next time, much peace and love  . . . really.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Some things are just scenery along the highway . . .

Someone gave me my title line recently . . . some things are just scenery along the highway . . . .  I put it down, knowing I wanted to write something about it.  The context was that we were discussing our divorces and ex-spouses.  He also has a crazy-ass, bullshit ex, but he said he refuses to let her steal his dreams or happiness and that . . . some things are just scenery along the highway.  I just can't stop thinking about that line.  It is so apropos for so many things and I need to take it more to heart and live it.

I've been struggling with some things and if I just remember that line and actually live it, the struggle should end.  The struggles or actually it's only one challenge is that I need to forgive myself. I've written about the horrible things my ex has said and done.  I doubt I have forgiveness for him and I sure as hell can't forget about them, but, I need to forgive myself and move along.  I need to forgive myself for:

  1. a failed marriage--it takes two and I did all I could
  2. an extra curricular experience while I was still married--at the end, but still
  3. allowing myself to be "lost" for so long, putting his needs before my own
  4. allowing myself to be put down, ignored, treated poorly, even somewhat abused--not physically, but mentally
  5. allowing myself to participate in horrible, mean conversation
  6. allowing myself to be taken advantage of
  7. fooling myself into thinking that he would do the right thing with my money

So for all of this, I say now that I forgive myself.  I am a strong, intelligent, beautiful, confident woman.  I will no longer allow myself to be angry with myself or to feel guilty.  I will hold my head high, move forward with my life and remember that some things are just scenery along the highway.

I may have future blips on the radar and I hope I remember this phrase.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Off the Cuff

You know, I have this goal to pre-write my posts and then all I have to do is post them each day.  Well, I do pre-write a lot of my posts, and then all of a sudden, life happens and I scrap it to write off the cuff.  Today, is no exception.

So, I stayed home Friday because of tingly mommy spidey senses and it seemed to pay off.  There has been a bunch of fucked up teen drama this past weekend, and it came to a head today when the Boy sent me a text at 10:00 am to pick him up because he just couldn't stand being at school today.

He's had a falling out with several of his friends, his so-called best friend was a total dick Saturday night and is now ignoring him (spoiled little fucking shit), his next best friend jumped on the bandwagon and was bitchy with him (apparently they've made up now because #2 feels sorry for him right now), his crush with whom he spent some time with over Spring Break has been ignoring him, and yesterday he found out the crush also made out with one of his female friends . . . seriously, douchebag? . . .and then two of his other friends did some stuff that I won't put in writing, because I don't want to incriminate anyone, especially the Boy.

He pretty much handled it all but this morning just couldn't take one more thing going amiss.  So, I left work early, picked him up, ran a Target errand, picked up a late lunch, had some good conversation and poof voila . . . "fixed" it.  Well, maybe it isn't fixed, but he feels better.  Went to best female friend's house for a little TLC, plus mom's TLC, so he'll survive.

I gotta say though . . . these kids are brutal these days.  I guess part of it is technology . . . they all have phones and tablets, so they have what we always called "phone balls" when they are sending messages.  By phone balls, I mean, people that have balls on the phone, but when you confront them in person, they back the fuck down.  I guarantee you that if we had texting and my friends said the things to me that these little fuckers say, I or they would not have made it through the teen years, because we'd either be dead or in jail.  It's some serious bullying going on.  That pisses me off.

I gave the Boy the option . . . I was ready to burn bridges with this little mother fuckers and their dumbass parents.  He asked me not to for now . . . and of course, now one of them has come around.  I told him though that I will be saying something to the boys because I'm not going to deal with their damn drama.

Ok, rant over.  I don't even know if I made any sense here, but had to get it off my chest.

Until next time, much peace and love . . .  I truly mean that.

Friday, April 4, 2014

Spring Break and Momma's Spidey Senses

So, I took the day off today.  My mommy spidey senses were tingling.  You see, it's Spring Break here and my kid and his friends have been basically without adult supervision for the majority of the week.  Most of the time that's fine, but, I know that after so many days of doing their own thing, something is about to go down.  After all, I was 15 once and alone for Spring Break while my parents worked.

I started thinking about how I spent Spring Breaks in high school.  It was the same thing every year, run around doing whatever I wanted with whomever I wanted, and often times, I ended up at a boyfriend's house making out all day.  No gutter minds here . . . my idea of making out was lots and lots of kissing, very little groping, and no sex . . . at least not until much later.  So, thinking about all this is what got the spidey senses going.  Y'all know my kid is just like me.

Sure enough, I get a text from him, "I'm at Cute Boy's House and his address is XXX."  Now, every day, I get on the Boy to check in, just a quick text or call as to where he is and with whom.  He NEVER does it.  I end up calling or texting him with bitchy messages.  So, when he out of the blue sends me this text . . . oh, and the boy is not one he hangs with regularly, but one that I have met and know they kinda like each other . . . I start thinking.  I was right on point too . . . we had to have a discussion about hickies not being cool.

So . . . I stayed home today.  It was pleasant.  Kids were in and out, mostly in all day and now apparently in for the night . . . YAY!  This listening to the universe thing is definitely working for me.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

One Year Later

It was one year ago today that I filed for divorce.  The funny thing is, I didn't even remember this "anniversary" of sorts.  It wasn't until my sis sent me a message about finding the letter she wrote her husband that I was reminded of this.  She had written her letter on April 1st and then waited a few days to tell him, so it wouldn't be an April Fool's thing.  I did the same thing when I filed.  I was ready to go do it on April 1st and realized that might be bad luck, so I waited until the 3rd.

I've been thinking about this for a couple of hours now and I cannot for the life of me dredge up anything bad about having gotten divorced.  Maybe the "failure" aspect, but I didn't fail alone, and did everything I could to try and save the marriage, so that doesn't count either.

Since I've been divorced or actually since I filed for divorce, I've been a happier person.  I've gone back to my roots and I'm still in the process of discovering and rediscovering me and who I am.  I like me.  In fact, I love me.  I've posted about a lot of the crappy stuff that happened before, during, and after the divorce, and I'm away from all the ugliness.

So, a year later, I'm still on the road of self discovery and I'm happy.  I hope to remain on that road the rest of my journey in this lifetime.  We should never stop discovering and learning what it is that makes us tick, what makes us happy, what makes us mad, what makes us sad.  If we do, we stagnate and I did that for 25 years.  In fact, it was 25 years of my prime. 

Honestly, I can't say that I would change anything, because the time space continuum doesn't work that way.  However, if I could still have my beautiful child, fantastic career, and best friends and family ever, I would possibly make a few changes if the time travel arose.  But, if I couldn't still have that, I'd still travel the road I did and learn the lessons I learned and be ok with it.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Teaching my Toddler to Drive

Yes,you read that title right. I'm teaching my toddler to drive.  Well, y'all know that he's not really a toddler--he towers over me and is 15 . . . another few months and he gets his driving permit and starts driving.  So, I'm getting him started now in empty parking lots, for now, to let him get the hang of it without any stress or pressure.

I say, I'm teaching my toddler because it seems like yesterday that he was a toddler.  This is one of those milestones that got to me.

I sat him down on Sunday to have a talk about driving.  I told him that he had to listen, really listen, to everything I had to say to him and that if he did his usual , "ok Mom" or "yeah" or "whatever" or anything else, he would not be driving.  I explained how important it is to obey the rules of the road, and that other drivers are not always going to do so.  I reminded him that drinking while driving, or under the influence of any drugs, is not acceptable.  And finally, I told him that this is one of the most important things he will ever learn to do . . . that essentially, he would be in charge of a very large machine and that if he doesn't do things properly, he could kill himself or others.

And then . . . I promptly burst into tears.  OMG!  I was shocked.  I can always tell when I'm about to cry, so I'm never taken by surprise.  Let's just say . . . I was taken by surprise.  I couldn't believe it.  We had reached one of those times in his life that means significant change.  But, I think it just sent that idea home to him that everything I was saying was really important.

So, I took him down the street to an empty parking lot, explained what to do, safety checklists, and how everything works.  Then, I let him behind the wheel and he drove around and around that lot.  Lots of left hand turns and then lots of right hand turns. Acceleration and then complete stops.  He did really well.  Next weekend, we'll do more of the same and add in some parking and reverse.

I'm really excited for him to drive and I look forward to not having to haul him around.  On the other hand, I'm terrified that something bad will happen to him.  All part of being a parent, I know, but that's my toddler behind the wheel.

I'm still remembering this . . . .
. . . and now he will have no training wheels.
Until next time, much peace and love.