I Wish You Well

Something a little different for me to post. This little poem came into my head almost completely whole.  It refers to one whom I love, but obviously will never have.  I realize I need to let him go so that I can go on with my life.  Until next time, much love and peace to you all.

I’ve been searching for answers,

Looking in all the wrong places,

I finally looked within and discovered

There is a greater power than me.

I’ve always known that power and

I talk to him. To her? The great one.

The all knowing, all powerful one.

I ask for help, for advice, for peace,

But, I don’t always listen. I hear, but

I don’t listen.

Today, I listened.  It’s painful. It’s healing.

It’s peace. It’s chaos. It’s acceptance.

It’s what it is supposed to be.

So today, I say good bye to you.

You whom I love, but can’t have.

You who loves me, but can’t prioritize me.

We always say, someday it will happen,

But there is always something in the way.

That’s because we aren’t listening.

It’s time to listen, to act, to be.

So today, I tuck you into a small chamber

Of my heart and say good bye.

Good bye to what was, what is, and what

Might be.

For today, I must think of me.

I can’t move on to what I need, deserve, want

Until I let go of you.

Good bye to you.  May you have peace as well.

Maybe I Don't Have Something to Say

The more I blog/write, the more I realize I'm not really a writer, nor do I want to be.  I'm a person who likes to express some things in writing to share with others.  I don't like to work at it.  I don't have writer's block--I can always think of something to say--but I don't write.  This has been a challenge my whole life.

I said to my son recently, that if you really want something, you'll do it every day.  You'll go after it no matter the cost.  You can't live without it.  Well, I finally realized that writing is not really what I want.

It's not to say that I won't keep blogging, but it does mean that I'm not going to stress out about getting blogs posted.  Nor am I going to stress about writing that novel I always "thought I wanted to write."

No, what I really love is reading.  I want to read and read and read.  I went without reading, really reading, for a long time due to my previous relationship.  Now that I've gotten back into my reading, I won't give it up again.

So, if I don't post regularly, it's ok.  I'm reading.  And part of my reading is reading your blog, too.

Until next time, much peace and love.

I have something to say . . .

. . . I just don't know what it is yet.

I have a bunch of blog posts started, but they aren't grabbing me today.  I could bitch about my day, but I'm tired and don't feel like bitching.

So, I'll leave you with this. . . my cat, Malibu, loving on my dog, Lavender.  Love my furbabies.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Vacation Coverage

So, you know that I went on vacation for three weeks.  Before I left, I made sure that there was absolutely nothing pending for anyone to handle in my absence . . . not that anyone would have done it anyway . . . and the only things that others would need to do would be any new items coming in, if they got to it.  Upon my return, nothing had been done . . . it was all waiting for me. . . except for one thing they handed over to the new guy to do and didn't train him properly, so I spent three days unwinding it.  This is status quo for me.  I seldom receive assistance, nor do I need it, from my fellow reps.

But, when someone else goes on vacation, I handle his (and I can say his, because all the other reps are male) entire desk, new items, pending items, and I usually clean up old stuff so he can have a fresh start upon return.  I'm nice like that.  So, one of the other reps is going on vacation tomorrow.  He sent me an email "bribing" me to handle some things in his absence, if they came up.  He wasn't anticipating anything, but the other reps are "too busy to take on anything else."  I was gonna turn down the bribe, but it was a $25 Starbucks card. 

So, what's wrong with this?  First of all, his statement that the others are "too busy."  What?  I do twice as much as any of them . . . I'm more organized and more tech savvy to do so.  Secondly, an hour before he leaves today, he dumps 5 items on me that are "emergencies" even though 4 of the 5 came in a month ago.  SMDH!  I'm really glad I took the card and if things continue this way, he'll owe me another one when he gets back.

Oh well . . . job security . . . I've got it in spades.

Until next time, much peace and love.

You Must Install Facebook Messenger App

According to Facebook, I must install the Facebook Messenger App on my phone, because at a certain time, I will no longer be able to see messages on Facebook on my phone.  I can still see on my computer, but not on my phone.  Really?  Why in the hell would I want to install another messaging application on my phone?  I have a messaging application . . . it's called TEXT MESSAGING!  I don't want to install FB Messenger.  So, I'm not gonna.  I've told my FB peeps if they want to message me, they'll have to text me or wait for an answer when I'm on the computer.  Since I don't actually check Facebook on a computer that often, text is best.  Of course, I don't get that many messages on Facebook anyway.

Whatever, I refuse to be dictated to as to what app I have to use on my phone.

Ok--rant over.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Booty Call Cycle?

I've been a little melancholy lately, so I thought I'd try to give you a funny one today and snap out my funk a little bit.

 

So, after 6 months of no contact, I had two different guys from my dating adventures reach out to me--Mr. Air Force and Mr. Basketball. 

 

Mr. Air Force is just a really nice guy, a perpetual bachelor, who always forgets to include a female in his outings.  Probably why he’s a perpetual bachelor, although he doesn’t understand why he doesn't have a steady relationship.  Anyway, he called while I was on vacation and I told him I’d get back to him when I got back.  I sent him a text a week or so after I got back and he never responded.  SMDH!

Mr. Basketball sent me a text the other day saying how he’s missed me . . . BTW . . . he stopped contacting me in December last year.  He said he’s been in Korea, coaching.  Apparently, there is no technology in Korea and he left the day we spoke and got back the day of his text. Insert sarcasm here.   Then he said he wants to see me . . . the very next day . . . and not just see either (you can use your imagination here).  So, when I sent a text back that said, “Really?  After 6 months of not hearing from you, you think we’re just gonna jump right in, huh?  Times have changed my friend.”, he didn’t respond back.  Guess he didn’t miss me that much, huh?

 So, it’s a cycle . . . I actually expect a couple more guys to contact me in the next month or so, just because it’s a cycle.  They play with some girl for a month or two and then stop contacting her.  Then they play with another girl for a month or two and then stop contacting her too.  Then they play with yet another girl for a month or two and then stop contacting her too.  Then it’s time to swing back around to the first girl . . . play with her for a month or so, and so on and so forth.

 

Well, this girl doesn't play, so I'll just say to y'all, much love and peace.

What to Write? What to Write?

I haven’t written much on my blog(s) lately.  First, I was on an extended vacation.  I really thought I would blog about what I was doing, but I didn’t.  I was driving a lot and often times didn’t have wi-fi access, so it was a pain in the butt.  Then, I got back and I was tired. And I was trying to get my groove back. And I just didn’t want to do anything. So now, I have all this stuff running around in my head and I need to get it out.  Of course, now that I have my laptop up, the words don’t want to come out of my head and get on the page.  GRRRRRR . . . .

 

So, I'm going to put some random thoughts and come back to them later (I hope).

 

People suck!  When you think you know people and then they up and do something to kick you in the teeth, they suck!  Lately, more people are sucking than not sucking and not in a good way. 

 

My health is getting me down.  I know I'm not working hard enough to fix things.  I'm not ill, just need to fix some things and again, not working hard enough to fix them.  The vicious cycle of needing to exercise more, being in pain from exercising with bad knees and back, and then not getting enough exercise.  Feeling like crap because I'm comparing myself to someone else.  Don't do that!  My head isn't in the right place, so it doesn't help all of this.  Menopause sucks!  It makes all of these challenges suck, too!

 

I have few friends near me.  I don't really have anyone to hang with on a regular basis.  I love being by myself, but once in awhile, you need someone else.

 

It's Monday.  I hate Mondays!

 

I loved my vacation!  Wish I was independently wealthy so I could travel more. 

 

I don't want to keep working and not getting anywhere financially.  That black hole (pardon the pun, for those of you who know to whom or what I'm referring) just keeps rearing it's ugly head.  I want to get ahead.  I have bills to pay and food to buy.  Am I really splurging too much?  If I am, I have nothing to show for it.

 

I hate being negative nelly . . . but here I am, putting it all out there.

 

As my idol would say, "Fiddle dee dee.  I can't think about that now.  I'll think about it tomorrow.  Because after all, tomorrow is another day."  (Thank you Ms. Scarlett.)

 

Until next time, much peace and love.

Vacation Fun

I've soooooo been enjoying my vacation!  My family has been wonderful.  The first wedding was beautiful and the reception was a blast.  I've spent the last two days with my stepmom and two stepbrothers . . . peaceful time with them.  Tomorrow, sending the Boy to stay with his other grandparents and I'll be hanging with my friends.  (That should lend itself to good blog fodder.)

What I've found absolutely fantastic is that the Boy is having fun and maturing right before my eyes.  He has contributed to conversations with the other adults; he's been respectful of his elders; he's asked questions about family life and history and really gotten into the answers.  He had a blast at the reception the other night (there may have been a bit of alcohol consumed, but so what).

There have been some minor blips on the radar . . . my rude uncle (I ignored him), my momma kinda irritated me.  Side note to that . . . the Boy said that I act like him toward my momma the way he acts toward me when he's annoyed at me.  That's making me take a hard look at how I can react better with my momma, because it isn't nice.

Spending time with my stepmom was productive.  We took care of some paperwork for my dad's grave (12 years later, but who's counting), and she gave me and the Boy some items of beauty from her home to ours.  She's a very giving person.

I reconnected with a cousin . . . my only first cousin on my dad's side . . . and we had a blast.  We even look alike in our old age.  When I posted our picture, everyone thought we were sisters.  Amazing!

Anyway, I'm enjoying my vacation.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Family Fun

OMG!  I just had such a great evening with some of my family.  My one aunt lives across the street from the hotel where we are staying, two of my cousins and the fiancée of one of them are staying with that aunt, another cousin and two of her kids are staying in the same hotel as we are, and my other two aunts are at a different hotel, but were there too.  We just had so much fun, talking, drinking and chillin'.

They all know about the incident with the stupid uncle last week and they all agree that he is an ass.  We are all getting together tomorrow too and we will have a blast at the wedding, as well.

I also learned that the cousin's fiancée is pregnant, so we have another cousin coming in December!  YAY!

Anyway--love seeing my family . . . at least the fun, cool ones.  LOL!

Until next time, much peace and love.

Distracted Drving

Ok, so I'm one of those people who hate when I see other people talking on the phone or texting while driving.  When I say talking, I mean holding the phone to their ear.  I personally use either blue tooth headset or now that I have a nicer car, it's Bluetooth connect to the car.  And I never text and drive.  When I'm using GPS, I put in the directions before I leave and I seldom have to search for directions on the fly . . . if I do, I have talk to text.

I broke my own damn rule on this road trip.  I was sitting in a very long line of traffic and not moving, so I started making my motel reservation.  No big deal since I wasn't moving.  The problem came when the line began to move a little bit.  In the blink of an eye, I ran into not one but two big orange barrel thingies.  Luckily, I wasn't going fast and just scraped by.  But . . . it served a very important lesson to both me and the Boy.

My front fender is somewhat scraped up, but will probably buff out fairly easily.  It pisses me off though that I have to even buff it though.  I didn't have to make that reservation right then and there.  It could have waited or the Boy could have finished putting in the information for me . . . as he did anyway.

I have to think that this was a big warning to me to pay attention and drive right, setting a good example for the kid.  I've been doing so for awhile, but I slipped up and did the texting while driving thing.  It was super scary and I won't do it again.  The Boy says, "Did we learn our lesson?"  Hell yeah we did.  So hopefully, you will learn from my lesson so you don't have to experience it yourself.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Cialis Commercials Make Me Sad

I hate the Cialis commercials.  They show these couples who are supposed to be so in love with each other, that even in their "old" age, they want to get it on.  The men in these commercials look at the women as if they are totally in love and lost in the woman, like the woman is their everything.  And the women look at the men in the same way.  Ugh, gag me.

Ok, so not really gag me.  It makes me sad, because that description is what everyone truly wants and I don't think a lot of people find it.  I know that I want someone to look at me like that and I know that my ex never did.  And at this point, I've become a bit jaded and cynical and don't know if it will ever happen.  For those of you that have that special something, hang on to it any way that you can.  I envy you, but am joyful for you at the same time.

So, Cialis commercials make me sad.  IJS . . . .

Until next time, much peace and love.

Essential Oils Part 2

Ok, so I've tried some of the essential oils and I have to say, I'm loving them.  I'm still skeptical about all the hubbub surrounding them, but for the ones I've tried personally, all is good.

The ones I've tried that are doing what they need to do are . . .

lavender--calming and soothing--I sleep much better
peppermint--refreshing and rejuvenating--so far, yes and I'm going to try this on the long drives on vacation
lemon--again refreshing and rejuvenating, also great for cleaning and getting rid of icky smells
eucalyptus--with the lavender is great in my bath
cinnamon--great in my coffee and other foods, lowers blood sugar

You know I pre-wrote most of this, so I have to add my experience today.  I'm traveling. ..long road trip. Usually, I have problems in the afternoon because I start dozing off. Today, i kept drinking my peppermint water and put some peppermint on my shirt. It kept me awake and alert without the hyperness of sugar and caffeine. Then when we got to our motel, I sprinkled some lemon around to freshen up the place. I'm hooked.

There are more that I want to try and we'll see how they go. I can't wait.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Nurse Rachett

My company is giving us an opportunity to save $50 per month on our health insurance.  Since our out of paycheck costs went up $125, I'm all for it.  All you have to do is (1) log your daily steps on our wellness program site, (2) do a biometric screening with an RN (who they brought in house), and (3) do a health assessment on the insurance website.  All easy peasy . . . until . . . Nurse Rachett.

So, I go to do my bio screening and this witch of a nurse, has no personality, doesn't smile, doesn't acknowledge anything, just all business.  Ok, I can handle that.  Then when the results pop up, she starts lecturing me on what I'm doing wrong and what I should be doing.  Nevermind that she doesn't have my full health assessment, isn't a physician, and doesn't know what I actually do or don't do, where I've been and how far I've come.  She just says do this and suck it, basically.

She pissed me off.  And then I realized . . . don't let anyone piss on my parade. I know how far I've come and how far I have to go. I am going to continue on my own path.

Until next time, much peace and love.

"Christian" Giving

I just had the most unreal experience ever.  I sent a private message to all my aunts about my mom's birthday.  Since we are doing a birthday party, I made a suggestion to them if they were planning a gift for Mom that they consider contributing to a medical procedure that she needs.  Her insurance doesn't cover it and she is on a fixed income. She would never ask for the money from anyone, so I made a suggestion, thinking that it was innocuous and considerate.  Well, my uncle (who unfriended me on Facebook eons ago, because he doesn't like my language) sent me an email, because his wife was one of the aunts I put on the message.  I had listed her, because he's not on my Facebook and I thought he would want to know.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  Here's the email he sent me (I took out all names to protect the innocent and the not-so innocent):

"I am perturbed over your Facebook message to my wife in which you solicited or suggested a large monetary contribution for your mother's cataract surgery as her birthday present.

We are not coming to the birthday party.  We have too many things going on that weekend, and I don't see the need to attend a birthday party two months ahead of time.

We are also not contributing to a surgery fund.  Where is your mother's husband's contribution, and more importantly, why are you begging for money from the family while you and your mother are engaging in a cross-country vacation whose cost easily exceeds the cost of this surgery?  Where are the priorities?

As a member of Lions Club International, I recommend that you have your mother contact the local Lions Club in her state for assistance.  My own Lions Club has helped an average of 200 people per year obtain glasses or pay for surgeries.  In many instances, the surgeon and hospital will agree to a reduced fee in case of indigency or inability to pay.

My Mother always said, "It's not the high cost of living, it's the cost of living high."  Please think about this before you send such appeals to my family.  I am sick of seeing the pity party parade from the woe-is-me crowd that refuses to live frugally."

Wow!  Really?  My mother retired several years ago and is now living on her social security.  She had to supplement her income for years to make ends meet.  Yes, her husband is a bum.  That isn't the point.  The trip he's talking about is my gift to her . . . it was scheduled two months early to accommodate HIS son's wedding.  I am so pissed about this, I can't even see straight. 

This same person goes to church every week and talks about helping others.  He even mentions belonging to the Lions Club and helping other people.  You misconstrue a simple suggestion and then, instead of (1) letting it go or (2) making an alternative suggestion, e.g., the Lions Club, you assume the worst . . . what a pompous ass!  Nevermind that he got to live for free in my mother's home while he was in college for certain lengths of time.  Nevermind that my mother would do anything in her power to help him if he needed it.  

The really sad part is that my mom has no idea about any of this.  Totally innocent on her part and now this.  I can hardly wait to see this jackass and show him who the better person is.  Oh yeah . . . that would be me.

Until next time, much peace and love.  I truly mean that.

Father's Day Rant

So, Father's Day is coming up and I get all kinds of mixed emotions.  First, I'm a little sad, because my dad is gone and second, I get a little mad, because the Boy's father doesn't do his gig all year, but still expects accolades from his son.

This brings me to my rant . . . I was going to say something on Mother's Day, but I let it go.  People . . . Mother's Day is for MOTHERS and Father's Day is for FATHERS.  Don't nobody care if you're doing "double duty" . . . you ONLY GET ONE DAY!  Don't rain on the parade of the other.  (And this is coming from a single mom who does double duty because "dad" is too damn childish and selfish to do his job.)

On Mother's Day, I kept seeing these posts of "happy mother's day to all you moms out there and you dads doing double duty."  Now for Father's Day, I'm seeing (1) "happy father's day to all you dads out there and you moms doing double duty" and (2) "why don't dads get the same props as moms?"

To answer number one . . . all dads who do their job or even attempt to do their job deserve the Father's Day props, same for moms on Mother's Day.  I add attempt because there are a lot of situations where the other party "blocks" the mom or dad from doing their job.

To answer number two . . .you dumbasses who are asking this are the ones not doing your damn job and you don't get the cookie for not doing your damn job!  Saying Happy Mother's Day or Happy Father's Day is a way of acknowledging those WHO DO THEIR DAMN JOB every day, day in and day out, who don't expect anything in return.  They just love and take care of their kids.  That's the bottom line.

So for you dads, who do your job . . . Happy Father's Day . . . enjoy YOUR day!

Until next time, much peace and love.

Writing Prompts

I've been reading a book about ideas for writers.  Actually, I started reading it many years ago and set it aside.  I dug it out a couple of months ago and I read a little almost daily.  Looking for ideas to write, beyond my personal exposure that I put on here.

The interesting part is that, while I have no problem putting my personal business out here, exposing the creative writing side is really scary.  I know that I'm a good writer--I've been told for years I should try to publish, but I'm not consistent.  I hate to re-write and edit . . . I write my stuff in my head and then spew it out on paper or in this case, blog. By the time it comes out, it's been re-written and edited several times . . . in my head.

I may still do the writing prompts . . . still thinking about it.  Maybe that should be a separate blog?  That's an idea right there.  One of my favorite bloggers does separate blogs for separate topics.  So maybe I continue this blog for what it is . . . day-to-day life and fun and rants and create a separate blog for writing and creating.  Something to think about.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Movies

 Last weekend, I went to see “The Fault in Our Stars” with the Boy, his two friends, and the mom of one of the friends.  I didn’t really know anything about the movie, but I knew it was a tear-jerker.  The other mom brought a box of tissue for us.  I hadn’t actually planned on seeing the movie until it came out on Netflix, but I was invited, so I went.

It was a cute movie and I shed a few tears, but it wasn’t the sob story that I thought it would be or that people made it out to be.  Maybe, it’s because I figured out the plot twist early on or maybe because the characters just weren’t grabbing me.  This is not to say I didn’t like or enjoy the movie; I did.  I just feel like my original idea of watching it on Netflix was the better choice.  And, I probably would have cried more if I watched it on Netflix.

This brings me to my take on movies.  If the movie has a lot of special effects, then it needs to be seen on big screen.  This would include, the Marvel movies, action/ adventure, and specialty movies.  I also throw in the occasional comedy or love story on big screen.  Otherwise, I wait for Netflix or cable (when I have it).

I love movies and would watch them 24/7 if I could.  I can always find something I like . . . I’m easily entertained.  And, I can watch some movies over and over . . . Channing Tatum anyone?

Until next time, much peace and love.

Appliance Fail

I came home from the movies this past weekend and started my housework.  I got the first load of laundry in the washer and found that my washing machine is kaput.  It doesn’t agitate or spin anymore.  Now, it is probably a cheap and/or easy fix, but I have no time, inclination, or energy to fix it.  So, I put the next two loads in the washing machines on the property.  We have a small laundry room that is clean and relatively cheap.

The first load (in my broken washer) rinsed fairly well, so I put it in my dryer.  I figured I would

wash the other loads in the laundry room and then dry in my dryer.  Guess what?!  Yup –my dryer stopped working, too!  It ran for an hour and the knob didn’t move at all and there was no heat.  So . . . I hung up a lot of clothes to dry all throughout my apartment and dried one load in the laundry room.  Oh yeah . . . I didn’t have enough quarters and didn’t want to go get any.

So, for the next few months, I’ll be doing laundry in the laundry room.  I don’t have room in the budget for a new washer and dryer.  I also don’t know if I actually one them at this point.  I’ll make that determination when I figure out what I want to do in the next three years (when the Boy graduates).

Of course, I could have gone out and bought a brand new washer and dryer if someone hadn’t screwed me out of my money.  I can’t keep harping on that, but things keep coming up that I wouldn’t have had to worry about if I had the money we agreed upon.  Oh well—this subject has been talked to death and I’m not going to dwell on it.

Until next time, much peace and love (and not too much laundry).

Summer is Officially Here

The Boy is out of school.  I can sleep in and don’t have to get him up in the mornings. Vacation is coming up.  Yup!  Summer is officially here.

I’m so excited.  I’m cleaning and organizing for this trip . . . trying not to take the entire house with me for once.  A three week trip doesn’t mean I have to pack enough clothes for three weeks . . . I can do laundry.  I cleaned out and organized bags so I could figure out what bags to use for packing.  Yes, you read that correctly . . . I cleaned out and organized bags.  You can never have enough bags as far as I’m concerned. 

Part of the bag clean out and determination is also determining which bags to set up as emergency go bags.  I normally have one in my car, but I’ve been slacking lately.  Now I need to set up one for each car (since the Boy will be driving soon), one for the house, and update the one at work.  The one thing I’ve not had in my go bag is clothes for the Boy, so these bags will be a little different.  Note—you should have emergency go bags available no matter where you live in the country.  You never know when disaster will strike . . . clothes, shoes, first aid, food, and water, flashlights, battery operated radio, extra batteries, and even pillows and  blankets. 

Ok—side tracked there for a minute.  I’ve made my packing list and have the bags pulled.  I’ll start pulling clothes to pack this week and this weekend will buy the few items we need, including any toiletries.  I’m so excited!  Did I mention I’m so excited?!

Of course, the Boy is not thrilled about the trip.  His friend that was supposed to go with us, probably won’t.  He is sure he won’t have fun and be bored the whole time.  Unfortunately, he is probably right.  Not because it won’t be fun or that it will be boring, but because he thinks it will be horrible and he isn’t going to make an effort.  I’m even taking him to Six Flags and he’s still not thrilled . . . he doesn’t want to go with Mom.  I told him he will never see these people again and we can have a blast.  Yeah . . . about that . . . teen blasé. SMDH!

Oh well . . . I’m still planning on having a blast.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Over Organized?

Is that possible? Everything in its place and a place for everything. That’s my idea of peaceful. I may not be the best housekeeper in the world, but organization is my forte. I love to organize. I love stuff that helps organize. I love getting rid of clutter. I love figuring out how to keep things that take up space and making them take up less space. In other words…I love to organize.

My weekend plans are to clean out and reorganize my closet, set up new, emergency "go" bags for both cars, the house, and work, and start the packing process for my vacation.  Yes, my vacation is still almost three weeks away, but I'll re-pack 10 times before I'm happy.

Since everything else is pissing me off these days . . . can you say mood swings? . . . I'm going to my happy place of organization.

Until next time, much peace and love.