This has been an interesting week thus far. None of my pre-written blog fodder have been posted. I'm having "moments" each day that I'm having fun sharing.
Today, I woke up today thankful that I didn't have to pretend, didn't have to give a gift that wouldn't be appreciated, didn't have to feel like a failure because it wasn't "good enough," didn't have to worry about what attitude I may have to come home to. Today is another milestone in the new me.
Of course this is about ESD, because today was his birthday. Even though we weren't together last year at this time, it was still fresh, so I didn't have that sense of relief. Every year around his birthday, he would get moodier than ever. The reason? Another year had gone by and he still hadn't done anything with his life. That of course, translated into being pissed at me or at least taking it out on me. He also would never say what he wanted for his birthday--mainly because he felt guilty that he wasn't contributing, so he felt like every day was his birthday. It kind of was. When I did try to buy something for his birthday, putting lots of thought into it, he didn't appreciate it. If I gave him gift cards to buy his own, he didn't like the store and wanted cash. If I gave him cash, it was never enough . . . he liked to buy a lot of weed. So today, was a great relief not to deal with all that.
To top it off, today, I reconnected with an old friend, boyfriend, on Facebook. That was pretty cool and interesting . . . he was actually my first "real" boyfriend when I was in junior high. I had a couple of little boyfriends in elementary, but it was more of the whole, "by the way, you're my boyfriend today" kind of thing. This guy was the first guy to ask me to be his girlfriend, the first guy to do things (not those kind of things) with me, the first guy to spend money on me, the first guy to really pay attention to me as a girl. He even got me a little ring. Of course, my mother made me give it back immediately. I was not allowed to accept rings from boys.
I even remember how we got together. I was in 7th grade, he was in 8th. I was on the volleyball team and he was on the football team. At our school, the football equipment was stored at the top of the bleachers in the fieldhouse. (Those of you from Muncie reading this are getting nostalgic right about now.) So, it was early Fall, the boys were getting their uniforms, pads, etc. and the volleyball girls were running laps in the bleachers. I remember that there was only one girl ahead of me and she had gotten all the way to the other side of the fieldhouse in front of me. I saw the boys and wanted to show off, so I put on a burst of speed to (1) catch up with the other girl and (2) stay way ahead of the other girls. Now, the bleachers were the concrete type of bleachers with an extra step in the middle of the aisles to go up and down the bleachers. When you were running, every time you hit the aisles, you had to go up the step and back down. Not a big deal, but some of us are klutzes. So, I went up the step, but when I went down, my foot went one direction and my ankle went another. Big, loud, snap and lots of pain. I had broken my foot and my ankle. I had to stop and get down the bleachers, get down another set of stairs to the gym floor, and then outside to wait for my mom to pick me up. You know they called her immediately.
Getting down those bleachers was a bitch and I was trying to be stoic and not cry, but it wasn't working. First Boyfriend came over and helped me hobble down and out and he waited with me while my mom was getting there and then when she was talking to the coach. He helped me get in the car too. This is how we met and he was sooooooo cute! I spent the next few days on crutches and a few months in a cast. He talked to me every day and we got close, and he became my boyfriend.
Sweet memories and catching up today was really nice.
Until next time, much peace and love.