Reflections on Life: Getting Older

I've talked about this before; I wake up in the morning and can't believe that I'm not 25.  I don't understand where the time has gone and I don't know if I've squandered it or if I've lived it.  Oftentimes, I look back on my life and think I haven't done anything.  Other times, I recognize my accomplishments and give myself a pat on the back.

I look in the mirror and I don't see a 47 year old (almost 48) woman.  My skin is good even with a few lines and age spots.  My hair is good even though it's a little thinner on top (and the few grays I have are taken care of with hair color).  My teeth are in great shape--finally, my dentist says, after he got on my ass to floss every day.  I'm heavier than I was as a youngster, but eating healthy and exercise is helping.  So why am I surprised every day?

 I think it's because I've spent the last 20+ years living somewhat robotically.  I go to work every day and put in a good, hard day's work, then when I get home, there is cleaning and some cooking, and taking care of others.  I lived resentfully for the majority of those 20+ years, because I felt that the significant other should have done more.  He should have gotten a job.  He should have helped around the house.  He should have gotten off his ass.  He should have cared for me more.  He should have, he should have, he should have.  But what about me?  I should have been more vocal about what he should have done.  I should have insisted that we do things as a couple.  I should have insisted that if he was going to stay home, he was going to be a good father.  But now that time has passed and should haves are over.

 Now, it is my time and I don't want to look back in another 20+ years and say, I should have . . . .  My "sis" said something profound the other day about not just making goals/resolutions for the year, but finding your word.  Many people responded with great words, such as driven, fulfilling, collaborate, caring, but the first word that came to mind for me was Me.   So, 2014 marks the year of me, of I will, of I can, of I am.  This year is about Me.

 Until next time, much love and peace.