I Wish You Well

Something a little different for me to post. This little poem came into my head almost completely whole.  It refers to one whom I love, but obviously will never have.  I realize I need to let him go so that I can go on with my life.  Until next time, much love and peace to you all.

I’ve been searching for answers,

Looking in all the wrong places,

I finally looked within and discovered

There is a greater power than me.

I’ve always known that power and

I talk to him. To her? The great one.

The all knowing, all powerful one.

I ask for help, for advice, for peace,

But, I don’t always listen. I hear, but

I don’t listen.

Today, I listened.  It’s painful. It’s healing.

It’s peace. It’s chaos. It’s acceptance.

It’s what it is supposed to be.

So today, I say good bye to you.

You whom I love, but can’t have.

You who loves me, but can’t prioritize me.

We always say, someday it will happen,

But there is always something in the way.

That’s because we aren’t listening.

It’s time to listen, to act, to be.

So today, I tuck you into a small chamber

Of my heart and say good bye.

Good bye to what was, what is, and what

Might be.

For today, I must think of me.

I can’t move on to what I need, deserve, want

Until I let go of you.

Good bye to you.  May you have peace as well.

Maybe I Don't Have Something to Say

The more I blog/write, the more I realize I'm not really a writer, nor do I want to be.  I'm a person who likes to express some things in writing to share with others.  I don't like to work at it.  I don't have writer's block--I can always think of something to say--but I don't write.  This has been a challenge my whole life.

I said to my son recently, that if you really want something, you'll do it every day.  You'll go after it no matter the cost.  You can't live without it.  Well, I finally realized that writing is not really what I want.

It's not to say that I won't keep blogging, but it does mean that I'm not going to stress out about getting blogs posted.  Nor am I going to stress about writing that novel I always "thought I wanted to write."

No, what I really love is reading.  I want to read and read and read.  I went without reading, really reading, for a long time due to my previous relationship.  Now that I've gotten back into my reading, I won't give it up again.

So, if I don't post regularly, it's ok.  I'm reading.  And part of my reading is reading your blog, too.

Until next time, much peace and love.

I have something to say . . .

. . . I just don't know what it is yet.

I have a bunch of blog posts started, but they aren't grabbing me today.  I could bitch about my day, but I'm tired and don't feel like bitching.

So, I'll leave you with this. . . my cat, Malibu, loving on my dog, Lavender.  Love my furbabies.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Vacation Coverage

So, you know that I went on vacation for three weeks.  Before I left, I made sure that there was absolutely nothing pending for anyone to handle in my absence . . . not that anyone would have done it anyway . . . and the only things that others would need to do would be any new items coming in, if they got to it.  Upon my return, nothing had been done . . . it was all waiting for me. . . except for one thing they handed over to the new guy to do and didn't train him properly, so I spent three days unwinding it.  This is status quo for me.  I seldom receive assistance, nor do I need it, from my fellow reps.

But, when someone else goes on vacation, I handle his (and I can say his, because all the other reps are male) entire desk, new items, pending items, and I usually clean up old stuff so he can have a fresh start upon return.  I'm nice like that.  So, one of the other reps is going on vacation tomorrow.  He sent me an email "bribing" me to handle some things in his absence, if they came up.  He wasn't anticipating anything, but the other reps are "too busy to take on anything else."  I was gonna turn down the bribe, but it was a $25 Starbucks card. 

So, what's wrong with this?  First of all, his statement that the others are "too busy."  What?  I do twice as much as any of them . . . I'm more organized and more tech savvy to do so.  Secondly, an hour before he leaves today, he dumps 5 items on me that are "emergencies" even though 4 of the 5 came in a month ago.  SMDH!  I'm really glad I took the card and if things continue this way, he'll owe me another one when he gets back.

Oh well . . . job security . . . I've got it in spades.

Until next time, much peace and love.

You Must Install Facebook Messenger App

According to Facebook, I must install the Facebook Messenger App on my phone, because at a certain time, I will no longer be able to see messages on Facebook on my phone.  I can still see on my computer, but not on my phone.  Really?  Why in the hell would I want to install another messaging application on my phone?  I have a messaging application . . . it's called TEXT MESSAGING!  I don't want to install FB Messenger.  So, I'm not gonna.  I've told my FB peeps if they want to message me, they'll have to text me or wait for an answer when I'm on the computer.  Since I don't actually check Facebook on a computer that often, text is best.  Of course, I don't get that many messages on Facebook anyway.

Whatever, I refuse to be dictated to as to what app I have to use on my phone.

Ok--rant over.

Until next time, much peace and love.

Booty Call Cycle?

I've been a little melancholy lately, so I thought I'd try to give you a funny one today and snap out my funk a little bit.

 

So, after 6 months of no contact, I had two different guys from my dating adventures reach out to me--Mr. Air Force and Mr. Basketball. 

 

Mr. Air Force is just a really nice guy, a perpetual bachelor, who always forgets to include a female in his outings.  Probably why he’s a perpetual bachelor, although he doesn’t understand why he doesn't have a steady relationship.  Anyway, he called while I was on vacation and I told him I’d get back to him when I got back.  I sent him a text a week or so after I got back and he never responded.  SMDH!

Mr. Basketball sent me a text the other day saying how he’s missed me . . . BTW . . . he stopped contacting me in December last year.  He said he’s been in Korea, coaching.  Apparently, there is no technology in Korea and he left the day we spoke and got back the day of his text. Insert sarcasm here.   Then he said he wants to see me . . . the very next day . . . and not just see either (you can use your imagination here).  So, when I sent a text back that said, “Really?  After 6 months of not hearing from you, you think we’re just gonna jump right in, huh?  Times have changed my friend.”, he didn’t respond back.  Guess he didn’t miss me that much, huh?

 So, it’s a cycle . . . I actually expect a couple more guys to contact me in the next month or so, just because it’s a cycle.  They play with some girl for a month or two and then stop contacting her.  Then they play with another girl for a month or two and then stop contacting her too.  Then they play with yet another girl for a month or two and then stop contacting her too.  Then it’s time to swing back around to the first girl . . . play with her for a month or so, and so on and so forth.

 

Well, this girl doesn't play, so I'll just say to y'all, much love and peace.

What to Write? What to Write?

I haven’t written much on my blog(s) lately.  First, I was on an extended vacation.  I really thought I would blog about what I was doing, but I didn’t.  I was driving a lot and often times didn’t have wi-fi access, so it was a pain in the butt.  Then, I got back and I was tired. And I was trying to get my groove back. And I just didn’t want to do anything. So now, I have all this stuff running around in my head and I need to get it out.  Of course, now that I have my laptop up, the words don’t want to come out of my head and get on the page.  GRRRRRR . . . .

 

So, I'm going to put some random thoughts and come back to them later (I hope).

 

People suck!  When you think you know people and then they up and do something to kick you in the teeth, they suck!  Lately, more people are sucking than not sucking and not in a good way. 

 

My health is getting me down.  I know I'm not working hard enough to fix things.  I'm not ill, just need to fix some things and again, not working hard enough to fix them.  The vicious cycle of needing to exercise more, being in pain from exercising with bad knees and back, and then not getting enough exercise.  Feeling like crap because I'm comparing myself to someone else.  Don't do that!  My head isn't in the right place, so it doesn't help all of this.  Menopause sucks!  It makes all of these challenges suck, too!

 

I have few friends near me.  I don't really have anyone to hang with on a regular basis.  I love being by myself, but once in awhile, you need someone else.

 

It's Monday.  I hate Mondays!

 

I loved my vacation!  Wish I was independently wealthy so I could travel more. 

 

I don't want to keep working and not getting anywhere financially.  That black hole (pardon the pun, for those of you who know to whom or what I'm referring) just keeps rearing it's ugly head.  I want to get ahead.  I have bills to pay and food to buy.  Am I really splurging too much?  If I am, I have nothing to show for it.

 

I hate being negative nelly . . . but here I am, putting it all out there.

 

As my idol would say, "Fiddle dee dee.  I can't think about that now.  I'll think about it tomorrow.  Because after all, tomorrow is another day."  (Thank you Ms. Scarlett.)

 

Until next time, much peace and love.